#boom mic guy is ICONIC

[galaxie-films]

in another AU, what if Greg was just Ben who had his memories wiped? If you know Bob the Titan from the Percy Jackson series, it's a bit like that. Ben somehow loses his memories and Gov is just like. "you work for me now", giving him a fake name and making him Greg the sound guy. so Greg always gets deja vu in meetings, he feels like he's supposed to be more than just a. boom mic holder. I got this idea bc Greg's old outfit was just Ben's iconic jacket-thingy but idk-

[icestarphoenix]

The Table/Statehouse Backrooms!AU

Uh oh, guess who got a case of brainrot! I thought too much about Greg falling into the Backrooms and now this exists.

A darker and more horror-centric AU for The Table where the personifications are entities in the Backrooms. It follows the perspective of Greg the Sound Guy who fell into the Backrooms one day and now finds himself at the mercy of these entities. He is now trying to survive his situation, learn about this spatial anomaly he's stuck in, and escape his captors. All the while, Greg is hoping and praying that he can one day find his way back home. He does not have a good time.

–––

Greg is residing in Level 1, where entities will actually start showing up. However, there's also a consistent supply of food, water, and electricity. There’s also other Wanderers and groups residing there.

Level 0 is the iconic yellow hallway setting, but there aren't any entities, other people, or resources there. It is just complete isolation.

Level 1 is where the "American" Personifications, or the Statehouse Colony, are recorded to have made their territory. Other Personifications have been briefly seen in Level 1, but the Statehouse are the main residents.

Entity ☐☐☐ - Personifications (EDIT: often shortened to Avatars by veteran wanderers)

Class 2-5 (Alright until Provoked to Extremely Dangerous)

Habitat: Many, most notably Level 1

The Statehouse Colony along with all the other Personifications are essentially LARPing being representations of different Frontrooms communities, and they seem to genuinely believe their performing. They have knowledge about Frontrooms events, histories, and cultures despite the fact that they have never set foot in or even seen reality.

Personifications can shapeshift between their true forms and their humanoid forms at will. Their humanoid forms will never look truly human, there's always something off about them.

They can teleport and travel between Levels with ease. Calls still function and can reach throughout the entirety of the Backrooms except The Void.

Things like their clothes and all of their props (Texas's Buc-ee's cup, PA's football stress toy, Utah's Book of Mormon, etc.) were created by them. However, these aren't normal objects, they're a part of their bodies.

They're observed to have superhuman strength, resilience, and extreme intelligence, as well as quick regeneration when injured. There are no recorded cases of a Wanderer being able to kill a Personification, which makes them potentially extremely dangerous to encounter. 

However, Personifications often suddenly disappear after varied lengths of time, which is inferred to happen when the group they pretend to represent in the Frontrooms disappears. With the same logic, new ones would also appear as new groups form, which seems to be the case.

Instead of The Table and The Statehouse being real shows, the Statehouse Colony is roleplaying. They arrange themselves in a circle and have discussions about Frontrooms events like they've experienced them personally. They've also "filmed" their daily lives like it was a sitcom. It's unknown why they engage in this behavior, but they're way less hostile when doing their shows, so interrupting them is extremely ill-advised.

Even when they’re not explicitly “filming” for the shows, the Statehouse won’t break character. They’ll do things like sit in front of a broken TV and react like there’s a football game on or go into their "rooms" despite their territory being fairly open with no individual rooms.

Greg just has to play along with it all and pretend to be their sound guy because he’s so afraid of what would happen if he were to ruin their roleplay. The Statehouse also gave him a crudely-made fake mic boom to hold and he pretends to edit their videos.

Their antics can get so human-like and endearing to Greg that he almost forgets that the Statehouse are hostile entities sometimes. Then they do something that reminds him that these are all monsters that could easily rip him apart at any moment.

Greg is remarkably safer than other Wanderers that inhabit Level 1 because of the Statehouse Colony that protects him from other hostile entities. They also bring him the food and almond water he needs to sustain himself, so Greg doesn't need to risk himself exploring. At least one Personification will always be around Greg to make sure nothing happens to him.

Even though the Statehouse is protecting Greg from the Backroom's dangers, this doesn't mean that they are safe and harmless entities. They will attack the Wanderers that encroach on their territory, and God forbid any of the people try to "rescue" Greg.

Greg, despite the safety from the Colony, is not having a good time. He doesn’t feel safe. In addition to missing his life before the Backrooms, because the Statehouse have driven away other Wanderers, he’s very starved for human connection. This also contributes to his motivation of escaping the Statehouse.

The Statehouse is very possessive and territorial over Greg and they don’t want to let go of their sound guy. Whether this is due to some emotional connection to him as a friend or pet, or a simply a desire to keep a possession of theirs, their motives are unknown. It’s unknown if Personifications even feel true emotions and empathy or if they just mimic these behaviors from Wanderers.  

Greg has heard from some of the Personifications that they have had other humans “work” for them in the past, but he’s never seen another human or even a sign of one in Statehouse territory besides himself. When he mustered up the courage to ask, “Gov” just said that those humans didn’t work with them well and left it at that. When Greg asked further about what happened to them, “Gov” said they didn’t work with them well so they were let go. Greg understood very quickly that “let go” in this case was not the kind of escape he wanted.

[bastardcatthings]

Some highlights from the sunny podcast

Episode one

1) Charlie being physically unable to stand cheese so they made his character obssesed with cheese

2) "I'll tame my stomach with cheese and cream"

3) "What year was that? 1983? The camera seems to suggest that it was"

4) Rob: "we can definitely admit that we were doing our best" Charlie: "ummm,well...."

5) WE ALMOST DIDNT GET THE ICONIC "Boys are out tonight huh?" LINE EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU ROB AND CHARLIE FOR INSISTING THAT IT MAKE THE FINAL CUT

6) charlie acting out a whole "we have a call" segment and then saying that was Glenn

7) Anheuser-Busch agreeing to be the official beer of paddy's and being "fully in" but when the very first episode drops they announce that they're fully out

8)+"no you guys don't understand. This is satire"

-"I don't think you guys know what satire is"

9) Charlie not remembering when he met Glenn .... " you don't remember me?:( "

10) C:"you go in. You read. They think you're weird- G:"You lose" C:"you lose"

11) *charlie saying they had a boom* G:"we had a directional mic hanging from a broom stick" R:"we had a broom"

12) "they don't care about the show they just wanna hear about this shit"

13) "I think it's ok for a 44 year old man not knowing what he can bench"

14) cut that

Cut that cut that

Cut that cut that cut that cut -

15) Glenn being suprised that Rob likes bourbon now and wanting a list of all the ones he likes (why does this have such a mac & dennis energy?)

16) Glenn going on about his drink preferences and charlie sighing in the background

17) Glenn's cat being 19 years old that is one ancient cat!!!

18) the cat moaning everytime it take a dump and Charlie saying he will take the cat to the vet

19) R: so you're saying you can't tell the difference whether a female is in pain or ecstacy?

G: Aren't they the same?

C : cut that cut that cut that cut that cut -

[fictional-lvr]

Code

A/N: Yo! Sorry this req took me so long to fulfill, I hope you all enjoy it. Remember to drink water and reblog writers!

-----------

I awoke to the sound of my phone pinging, signaling a text from my best friend, Emma.

Emma: ‘Yo, if you wanna play Among Us with us, the code is ______’

She knew that I hadn’t been talking to anyone recently. Compulsive self isolation amirite? I figured that I should at least try. I slowly sat up, rubbing my eyes with my fists. I checked the time, 2:00 pm. I groaned, sick of being unhealthy, but unable to become healthy. I padded over to my setup on the other side of my small bedroom. I turned on my pc, wincing at the bright screen, a contrast to the dark surroundings of my room. I quickly opened up Among Us, typing in the code that Emma sent me. I watched as my finger hit the wrong key, but I hit enter before I could react. My mouse hovered over the exit button, that was, until I saw the names of the people in the lobby. Corpse, Spedicey, Rae, Sykkuno, Toast, Pewds, This could not be happening. I did nOt just somehow, accidentally, join my favorite streamers and youtubers lobby. The little red dot popping up on the chat icon pulled me from my thoughts.

Corpse: ‘Uh, who r u’

My fingers crashed across my keyboard, desperate to not make it look like I somehow searched out, and found, this one specific code.

Y/A/N: ‘sorry. i think i typed in my friends code wrong’

I quickly typed out, slamming enter with my pinkie. I took a deep breath, trying to not freak the fuck out. I anxiously stared at the chat icon, waiting for someone to say something.

Rae: ‘I mean, we do need a filler,’

Spedicey: ‘Wanna play?’

Yo. What the fuck? Was this happening? Was this real? I shook the thoughts out of my head, starting to frantically type.

Y/A/N: ‘fuck it. sure’

I buried my face in my hoodie sleeve covered hands, letting out a muffled screech. Alright. I needed to calm the fuck down. I took a couple deep breaths before seeing the red dot appear once again on the chat icon.

Corpse: ‘whats ur discord’

-------------------------------------

After putting my discord in the chat, I waited. Staring at my discord, waiting to be invited to a server or something. Then I got a notification from Corpse, a friend request and an invite to the Among Us server, in that order. The way I slAmmed my finger onto the mouse button the accept the friend request was almost sinful. “Jesus christ” I muttered to myself, accepting the invite to the server, much more calmly this time. I saw that everyone has already joined the call. I adjusted my mic, cleared my throat, and joined the call. I heard all of them laughing at what someone had said “Wait guys they’re here!” I heard Sean's voice cut through. “Uh, yeah, hi” My voice sounded quiet and small. I cringed a little bit at it before I heard Rae say, “Oh my god I love your voice it’s so cute!” In an excited tone. I chuckled a bit. “Thank you, I just woke up so it’s a little wonky right now but that's fine” I stated, rubbing my eyes a bit, still tired. I never got enough sleep. “What time is it for you?” I heard Corpses voice say. His voice sounded even better on call than in videos, and probably even better in person. But his voice is not him, it’s not why we love him. It’s just a feature of him. Nevertheless, it gave me butterflies. “Uh like 2:15 I think” I replied, checking my phone for the time as I did so. “Oh, cool, same for me” Corpse said, he didn’t sound anxious per say, but he sounded a bit nervous. But, to be fair, I sounded more than a bit nervous. “So, what’s your name?” Sykkuno asked. “Y/N” I stated, smiling a little. “Nice to meet you Y/N’ Sykkuno replied. “Pretty name,,” I heard Corpse mumble. “Uh, I- Thank you” I stuttered out. God, why did I sound so damn nervous? These people are just people. They’re the same as me. I heard Corpse let out a small nervous giggle.

------------

We all talked for a bit, just them asking me simple questions and me answering. “Yo, who wants to wear the cat ears with me?” Corpse asked, I replied without a thought “I gotchu, Corpsey” I heard him laugh a little bit. His laugh was so nice. “WELL I WANNA WEAR THEM TOO” Sean scrEamed. You don’t realize how much he turns the volume down in editing until you’re actually talking to the man. “Goddamn that was loud” I laughed. “Oh yeah, Sean is very loud. All the time. You can’t escape it.” Felix warned, I giggled at his statement. “Oh I know, I know” I responded, receiving a laugh from Sean and Felix. “Y/N! Put on the fUcking cat ears” Corpses voice boomed through the call. I jumped a bit at the sudden sound. “Woah, a little close to the mic there aren’t we?” I laughed out, moving my littol bean character to the customization thing, putting the cat ears on. “How else was I supposed to get your attention?” Corpse asked, still very, very close to the mic. I laughed, and before I could open my mouth to respond, Sean cut in “Literally just talk. You have a voice like fuckin shortwave radio.” I started laughing even harder, attempting to put my head down on the desk, but instead, FULLY bOnking it. “ow” I muttered, laughing quietly. “yo was that your fucking head?” Sean asked, I laughed a little louder before answering, “look, I have like zero control over my body at any given time” earning a chuckle from Corpse. I smiled, making him laugh made me smile.

----------------

After a few games, Corpse and I got imposter together. I hate being imposter. We were doing alright until fUcking Rae just hAd to see me vent. “ITS Y/N SHE VENTED I SAW HER” 

so naturally we lost that round

---------

After we had played quite a few games, everyone was pretty tired, except for me and Corpse. “Alright bye you guys! Thank you so so much for letting me play, it was fun” You could literally hear the smile in my voice. Everyone had left the discord call other than me and Corpse at this point. “So, uhh, can I get your Instagram real quick? I just realized I don’t even know what you look like” Corpse spoke somewhat awkwardly, almost as if he was nervous for some reason. “Well, to be fair, I don’t know what you look like either” I retorted, laughing. He gave me a chuckle in response and hesitated before saying; “I mean, we could change that, yknow, if you like, wanted to,,or something”

-----------

Tag List:

@amaikitsune

@into-the-end

@corpsesimpp

[rxvenclawwriting]

internet trolls

corpse x fem!reader word count: 1.7k warnings: internet hate, self doubt, mentions of anxiety a/n: sorry this is so dialogue heavy! also it’s lowkey trash because it is 1 in the morning here hahaha

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“good morning everybody!” y/n’s voice sang through corpse’s headset. corpse’s heart skipped a beat when he heard her soft voice. “how are you all doing today?”

“how do you have so much energy?” sean asked causing rae and sykkuno to giggle.

“how do you not have energy?” y/n retorted. everyone had branched off into their own conversations, leaving y/n and corpse sitting there in silence. “morning corpse!”

“oh uh good morning, y/n,” corpse coughed. the personal greeting had caught him off guard since she had said good morning when they woke up. “you’re happy today.”

“it’s a beautiful day to be happy! the sun is shining and we’re all hanging out together!” y/n beamed, a smile stretching across her face. corpse found a smile mirroring hers on his face. somehow her positivity and happiness always rubbed off on him, brightening his life on even the darkest of days.

“going back to sean’s question, how do you have so much energy?” corpse chuckled. “did you stay up drinking coffee again?”

“maybe,” y/n dragged the last syllable out for a few seconds. corpse laughed, knowing for a fact that’s exactly what she did just so she could stay up all night with him.

“alright, who was supposed to be babysitting y/n last night?” rae asked, eliciting booming laughter from everyone on the call. it was no secret that they all babied y/n. she was the youngest out of them after all. well technically so was corpse since they were the same age but no one thought of him as the baby of the group.

“i think it was your turn rae,” sean replied through his giggles. he gasped after a second. “did you leave the child unattended?”

“just for that, we’re voting you out first, rae,” sykkuno said.

the game started and as soon as he could, sykkuno called a meeting. the meeting earned a few groans from the other players until sykkuno spoke. “time to vote rae out!”

“you were serious about that?” rae whined.

“sorry rae,” y/n squeaked.

“face the consequences,” sean said as the small icons popped up under rae’s name.

the game continued with the normal shenanigans and people getting voted off.

“look guys, it’s corpse! let’s follow him for a bit,” y/n said to her viewers. “i wonder how many-“ just as she was about to follow corpse to his next task, he turned around and killed her. “corpse! no!”

she heard corpse laugh from the next room at her sudden outburst. y/n rolled her eyes and stared at her screen in disbelief for a few seconds before switching to look at her chat. chats zoomed by as she tried to reply to as many as possible.

“do they actually take turns ‘babysitting’ you?” y/n read from the screen. “they do not. not to my knowledge at least. but i do FaceTime with someone almost every single night that I’m not streaming. wait! they do babysit me! i can’t believe this.”

she watched the chat fly by when a certain message caught her eye.

‘god she’s so annoying. it’s like she thinks the world revolves around her. she should just stop hanging out with all of them. no one wants her here.’

y/n stared blankly at the screen, her enthusiasm dying in her throat. she was shocked by the sea of chats that seemed to be agreeing with the first chat. soon people started sending in messages saying the person was wrong and that there was no room for hate in her streams.

she sat in silence for the rest of the game, occasionally thanking people for subscribing to her and for their donations. the others hadn’t noticed since she was a ghost and she wasn’t really participating in the game. she watched her view count go up for a bit before it started declining. soon her headphones were filled with the sound of her friends loudly commenting on the game. a small smile made it’s way onto her face as she heard their laughter.

“is y/n still here?” sean asked after a few minutes of conversation.

“i’m here,” she said simply, lacking her normal pep and enthusiasm. “is it time for a new game?”

“yeah,” rae said. “whoever’s host start the game!”

the game started and “IMPOSTOR” flashed across her screen in big bright red letters. she cursed under her breath and prepared for the round. she followed corpse around for a bit to gain his trust, going with him to all of his tasks and leading him to random spots so it seemed like she was also doing tasks.

“when should i kill corpse?” y/n asked her chat. she saw a bunch chats telling her to do it right then and there. she got ready to hit the kill button when all of a sudden corpse ran in the opposite direction from her. she tried to catch up but it was like she disappeared. “well, fuck.”

she decided to hop in a vent and move around the map until she could spot him again. just as she was about to get out of the vent, someone called an emergency meeting.

“i just saw y/n vent!” toast exclaimed. she was in medbay and i saw her vent!”

“impossible. her and i were together the whole game and she didn’t kill me,” corpse said.

“after you left medbay, i went in to do my scan and i saw her go into the vent,” toast explained.

“y/n? did you vent?” corpse asked, his deep voice flooding y/n’s ears. she sighed into the mic shaking her head at the camera.

“yep,” she said. she didn’t really feel like playing anymore, the comment still weighing on her. she was quickly voted off and just watched the rest of the game take place.

her phone buzzed next to her and corpse’s contact photo popped up across her screen.

 is everything okay?

she decided to ignore his text, a feeling of guilt settling in her stomach. she didn’t want him to worry about her. that wasn’t fair. he had a lot going on without the added burden of her emotions. her thoughts began to drift back to the comment. maybe that person was right. maybe her friends didn’t actually want her there. she was almost always the only one to start conversations and she was almost always the last one to be invited to the game. feelings of sadness and anxiety overcame her. maybe, just maybe, there was some truth to their words.

“good game,” y/n laughed softly when the game ended. “well, not for me but you get the point.”

“sorry for getting you out so fast,” toast said laughing.

“it’s okay,” y/n giggled in response. “i think i’m gonna head out for now. sorry guys!”

everyone replied with “see you later y/n!” as she disconnected from the call. she quickly thanked the people who were watching her stream before ending it. slumping in her chair, she covered her face with her hands. small tears streamed down her cheeks as her shoulders shook. 

“corpse,” she choked out. she managed to pull herself off of her chair and she stumbled into his gaming room. 

when he heard the door open, corpse turned his attention from the screen to his disheveled girlfriend. immediately, he muted himself and quickly walked over to her. 

“baby? is everything okay?” he asked cautiously.

“can you...can you please hold me?” y/n choked out. corpse wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close to his chest.

“what happened?” he asked. y/n shook her head against his chest. “baby, please tell me what happened. i can’t help if i don’t know what’s happening.”

“can i just sit with you for a little? i’ll tell you, i just need a little time,” y/n whispered, sniffling every few seconds. 

“okay, love,” corpse mumbled. “do you wanna sit on my lap? or do you want to get your chair and bring it here?”

“can i sit on your lap?” she asked. 

corpse nodded his head and lead her over to his chair. after he sat down, he pulled y/n onto his lap. y/n dug her head into the crook of his neck and hugged him tightly as he resumed the game. he left a hand on y/n’s back, tracing random shapes as he played. corpse played for a few more rounds, laughing and chatting as y/n watched from her spot on his lap. he ended his stream soon after the 10th game, promising he’d play more the next day. he gently lifted y/n’s head off of his shoulder and met her y/e/c eyes. “okay, love. what happened?”

“someone left a mean comment on my stream,” she mumbled. she felt so childish phrasing it like that but she couldn’t figure out any other way to word it.

“what did they say?” corpse could already feel anger bubbling inside of him. how could anyone be mean to her? she was literally the sweetest person on the whole planet.

“they said that i’m annoying, i think the whole world revolves around me and that,” she took a deep breath. “i should stop hanging out with everyone because no one wants me there.”

“you know that’s not true right? we all love you so much. some more than others,” y/n giggled at his bad joke. she reached for his hand and started twisting the rings on his fingers. “don’t let the mean comments get to you, baby. they’re only internet trolls who have nothing better to do. they don’t know you so their opinion doesn’t matter. what really matters is that you are the most positive, loving, caring, and amazing person in the whole world, okay?”

y/n nodded and looked up at corpse. “but what if..”

“no. no what if’s. i love you with my whole heart, y/n, and i’m telling you that the person who said that is completely wrong.”

“what did i do to deserve you?” y/n asked, looking up at him with big doe eyes. 

“i think the real question is, what did i do to deserve you?”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

taglist: currently open!

[princessniquane]

Its Just Business

Chapter 3

Yea I don't got this.

I look behind me and I see The Shield still there. None of their expressions had changed except Ambrose's, his face was neutral. He knows I'm not going to win against Natalya.

I mean like I agree with him. Nattie's a veteran. A wrestling God for Women's wrestling. Just being in the ring with her is mind blowing to me. This is going to be an honor to actually wrestle in the ring with her. I respect her so much and she is one of the women that can actually wrestle.

Then the Authority's music hit.

Great, just great.

Stephanie comes out with a mic in her hands. She's clapping. "Wow. Just wow. Cynthia you have really impressed me. All of us actually. I didn't think you would make it this far let alone the end. But here you are.

Up against the ONLY woman who has graduated from the iconic Dungeon of the Hart Dynasty. Former Divas Champion herself, Natalya. Now I didn't come out here to remind you who you are facing. I just wanted to wish you good luck," she turns to walk to the back.

Ok, well thanks for that. Sarcastic bitch.

Me and Nattie lock up but she quickly gets the advantage. She grabs my hair and flip me over on the mat. "Come on Natalya keep off the hair."

Minutes later both of us are on our backs on the mat after a double clothesline. We both kipp up at the count of three. The crowd cheers 'this is awesome'. I turn towards Nattie to get hit by a Nattie by Nature clothesline. She grabs my legs and put me in the Sharpshooter and leans back as far as she can go (what she did to Melina).

The ref asks me if I want to tap. I yell no and shake my head. I'm facing The Shield and I look at Ambrose. He's now at ringside in my face taunting me about tapping out. Rollins and Reigns just shake their head at him.

I'm going to fucking murder this guy!

Somehow I got on my side and put my arm around her shoulders pinning them down. The ref counts: 1...2...kickout. She still has me in the Sharpshooter and pulls me further away from the ropes. As she starts to lean back I go between her legs as she goes down to the mat I do a back bend arching my back upward, grabbing her arms tight so she won't get out, while the crowd counts with the ref: 1...2...3...

I get us both out the hold. The ref raises my hand in victory as Lilian Garcia announce I'm the winner. The crowd is a mix of cheers and boos. I look as shocked as I feel.

I just pinned Natalya Neidhart! Are you fucking serious!? This can not be real! It can't be.

After putting a hand through her hair she gets up and puts her hand out for me to shake.

"The showmanship of Natalya," Cole says.

I shake her hand and the crowd cheers. Then all of sudden I'm being pulled close to her. I try not to show any fear, hopefully I didn't. Then she nods her head once at me and leaves.

A deep raspy voice booms behind me. I turn around to see The Shield come in to the ring.

"Well well well. I got to be honest, Stephanie was right. I-we didn't expect you to make it this far. But you know what? You surprised all of us, especially me. It was very impressive," Ambrose says walking around me. Then he leans down to get in my face. "But it wasn't enough."

It wasn't enough!? I got the hell beaten out of me and he said it wasn't enough!? I stare at him in shock, slack jaw and all. Then to top it off Roman and Seth look like they're trying not to laugh. While Dean is in my face with a permanent smirk on his face.

I turn from him hands balled into fists. Then there's an audible slap sound that goes through the arena. The camera pans towards Dean's face and you can see the handprint there. "Not enough my ass," I mutter only for him to catch. Then I walk out the ring and to the back.

[chansondefortunio]

A really cute silent film

Get Your Man (1927)

what are three things i love? Old things, cute guys and iconic women. This one has two iconic women - not only do we get Clara Bow, (<3) but this movie is directed by one of Hollywood's first female directors (who also invented the boom mic btw) Dorothy Arzner. Ugh! im obsessed. Here's a link to the movie,

[racingtoaredlight]

Marshall Amps

This is Slayer’s backdrop for some recent tour of theirs.

If you’ve followed rock music at all, the “wall of Marshalls” is so iconic, it’s hard to separate the subject of the imagery from the backdrop of Marshall speakers.  Jimmy Page, Slash, Zakk Wylde, Eric Clapton...to name a few...but the man who made Marshalls the “greatest amps of all time” is none other than you know who...

So what is it with Marshalls?  Why did they become the “greatest amps of all time” yet seemingly don’t have a place in today’s guitar world?

***

What defines Marshall amps?

They have “Marshall” written on them.

Kidding aside, you will never hear about Marshall amps being called “versatile.”  “Clean” is something they do out of necessity, not design.  They are stupidly heavy.  They are a pain in the ass to maintain.  They only sound good at volumes that would peel the enamel off your teeth...and that’s just the 50w models, let alone the big boys.

Marshall amps really do one thing well...overdrive.  If you’re in a band that plays loud, plays dirty and plays aggressive, then Marshalls are likely right in your wheelhouse.  Bonus points if someone else is carrying your gear.

Any level of dirt...from bluesy hair on the note to full out metal grind...a Marshall is right at home.  When you overdrive the tubes in a Marshall and they start to produce those beautiful overtones and harmonics, it’s truly a sound of beauty that prickles the hair on the back of your neck.

***

Historical Context Part 1

To define Marshall amps, we need to start with their history.

Remember how when I used to actually write, I’d talk about putting things in historical context?  Lets go back to the early 60′s.  There is ONE amp company doing business on both sides of the Atlantic, Fender.  And, despite being primitive and archaic, those early Tweed Fender amps are still today some of the best sounding amps money can buy, which is even more impressive considering that a 10 year old who can use a soldering iron could build one.

But in America, it’s easy to source parts for an American company’s amp like Fender.  It’s right there in the country, stupid.  But for a company...shit, that’s not even accurate given they weren’t a company yet...for a Brit like Jim Marshall, you had to get creative.

Marshalls, at their very, foundational core, are almost a direct plagiarism of the Fender Bassman amp.  I mean, it’s exactly the same amplifier except for one key difference...the tubes.  The Atlantic Ocean thing mentioned earlier is a big deal...the 6v6 and 6L6 power tubes that Leo Fender used, nothing more than run of the mill military-spec electrical tubes, weren’t available.  Tubes might not be the lifeblood of an amp (the circuit is), but different tubes have a hugely variable presence in practical settings.

Given that most tube amps are powered by tubes that came from either the US, UK or Russian military industrial complexes...and there not being the internet or a secondary market for any of this shit...Marshall used, first, KT66 Russian tubes, and later British EL34 (big bottles) and EL84 (little bottles), depending on use.

As Marshall’s blew up (and it happened quickly), and musicians started playing bigger and bigger halls, Marshall took that Bassman ripoff and housed it in larger cabinets allowing him to add more tubes, and therefore, more power.  It was the perfect storm...

***

Historical Context Part II...the important stuff

So I linked to a bunch of pics above...famous dudes standing in front of walls of Marshalls.  The one I really want to hit on is the Eric Clapton one...

I just mentioned this a couple paragraphs above, but it bears repeating...there was no secondary market for things like tubes, caps, speakers, etc.  That pic of Clapton?  In each of those cabinets housing four speakers, maybe one was fully operational with half of another adding a bunch of fizz.  During Cream’s final show at Royal Albert Hall, he had only one speaker installed in the entire cabinet...the rest were just empty.

Now, that’s not to say there wasn’t any sonic benefit from having cabinets project sound waves with four speakers.  Rather, if one went down, at least you could still play.

Which leads us to the important stuff...

Primitive PA systems were not only garbage to begin with, but they were typically operated by burnouts who didn’t have the first clue of how to properly EQ a room.  This was true as late as the mid 80′s.  As shitty as those PA systems were though, guess what?  That’s still how Cream’s sound got shot through Royal Albert Hall.

Given the choice though, guitarists would rather have a slew of speakers doing the work rather than mic’ing up smaller amps.  Even with this option though, there’s a long history of...behind those walls of Marshall speaker cabs...there being a single half stack with just one speaker being mic’d.

Here’s a dirty little secret...Eddie Van Halen has not just endorsed multiple amps from multiple companies, but been heavily involved in the design of a lot of those as well.  BUT, when you hear him in the studio or live, you’re not hearing any of those amps...you’re hearing this.

Despite all the noise and propaganda regarding Van Halen’s wizardry with guitar and amp parts, the sound he’s most famous for and has relied on his entire career is produced by a relatively stock Marshall 1959SLP, known as the Super Lead.  The “Brown Tone” he’s famous for isn’t due to anything special in the amp itself, rather using something called the Variax to run the 100w amp at 90w, thereby making it warmer and more efficient (Marshall’s imported to the US still made to run at 110 volts despite most American outlets being 120 volts...the Variax reduced the electrical load to the amp, while also being an accidental signal buffer, allowing him to use time-based effects like flangers and delays, where running them into the front of a Marshall would cancel out those signals).

Jesus Christ that was a long aside...there was a point here though.

***

What was that point?

When PA systems and quality mic’s and sound guys became the norm, the necessity for stacks of Marshalls really started to go to shit.  Even before the internet boom, the jokes about wannabes hauling Marshall half stacks to tiny bars with no audience were already essentially canon.

I said this above...unless you are a touring artist in a hard rock band with logistical support and no front of house...Marshalls are completely impractical.  We’re not even going to touch on declines in quality (new Marshalls built on PCB have more in common with your phone than a 1987x, even if you buy a “reissue” of a 1987x), questionable marketing and oversaturating their own market...the fact of the matter is extremely simple.  Big iron is obsolete, no matter who makes it.

Marshall themselves know this, and released the “studio” line...which might as well be called the “shit we better make smaller stuff because our sales are getting FUCKED” line.  If you’ve ever had to pack a car full of gear yourself, it takes one gig before you’re looking for smaller, lighter amps.  Those 100w Marshalls?  They sound AMAZING cranked.

But unless you play them cranked, they sound like shit.  Think about it like driving a Ferrari at 25mph all the time...

For regular working musicians like myself, a great sounding tube combo can be found under 50 lbs.  Or I could ditch all that and go with a modeler, go straight into the PA and never need an amp again (PREDICTION...you will not see amplifiers on stage outside of Nashville and niche acts in 10 years).  That’s for a working musician.

For a touring musician, you can save tens of thousands of dollars per year by not having to hire logistical staff.  You might have scoffed at my prediction above...but these days, the majority of guitar sounds you hear are made digitally by a session guitarist sitting either at home or in the control room of a studio.  That 1987x is a digital patch rather than two trips to the car and ringing ears.

Point being...amps are already obsolete.  And if your amp weighs more than 50 lbs. and has more power than say 40w, it’s remarkably obsolete, no matter how cool it is.

***

Competition

I don’t have to tell you that Marshalls’ legacy was formed in the harder forms of rock.  Take one look at those monsters and you can tell they roar.  “Roar” is an interesting concept though...

Marshalls were made before hard rock really existed.  Guitarists almost ubiquitously came from a “clean” learning point, and even what we consider small amounts of dirt like this (and during the instrumental part of Ramblin’ Man) back then were FULL-THROATED.

Personally, that’s my ideal of the Marshall sound.  That Tweedy breakup that puts a shaggy head of hair on each note.  But to just about 90% of the music-enjoying public, this is the sound that immediately comes to mind when you think of Marshalls.

Definitely more dirty than Duane Allman’s version no doubt, but if you really listen to the guitar, the edge is more due to phrasing and Slash’s ballsy attitude than the guitar tone itself.  It’s still something I’d describe as more crunchy than full on distorted.

Which brings us to the clones.  Now, what better product to copy than a style that’s been obsolete for like two decades now!

We talked about Van Halen’s supposedly modded (but really quite stock) Marshall above...well, here comes one of his amp tech buddies Michael Soldano bringing a hot-rodded Marshall to the masses.  Then Bogner follows right behind.

Slash’s tone might not be that distorted, but plenty of metal guys absolutely were, and Marshall JCM’s were their weapon of choice.  But the time the calendar turned to 1990 though, Mesa Boogie’s rectifiers were already kings of the metal scene.  Almost as much as the Telecaster dominates country music, the Mesa Boogie Rectifiers own metal.

What was the common denominator in the competition?  MORE, sure.  More dirt, more quality, blah blah blah.  The biggest reason was Marshall, the company.  Unlike Fender, Marshall never got bought by bigger companies.  While that might keep them more “genuine” you have to realize that this guy was making amps in a tiny drum shop still when he was making stuff for Hendrix and Pete Townshend.

***

While Fender’s soul got twisted in a series of corporate takeovers, what it also eventually received was outside guidance from people with business AND music knowledge.  Fender was always forward thinking, from the day Leo Fender started the company.  Jim Marshall didn’t have that same type of vision.  The idea of a Fender amp being built on PCB is something Leo Fender would have embraced.  But to Marshall, it’s killing the amp’s soul.  Fenders never were BIG IRON...i.e. huge transformers fed by big bottle tubes...they never got into the size game.

To begin with, Marshalls were a stolen design.  That might sound harsh, but it’s not being unfair either.  They were never known for quality, rather known for quirks and unreliability.  They weren’t even that unique of a sound...you can get a very similar sound from a Fender Tweed cranked...you just cant take a Tweed to a huge hall and project the sound.

We can do that today.  Easily.  Like an $80 mic and a mic cable easy.  And now you have a true, pretty much genuine Marshall roar in a 30 lb. package.

Back in the day you couldn’t demand flawless point-to-point wiring, proper voltage and ohm specs, and wide-sweeping EQ bands.  Soldano and Mesa Boogie offered these as stock parts of their offerings at the same price points.  If you were a lead guy, Soldano was your choice...if you were a metal guy, it was Mesa...and in the two niches of the guitar world Marshall absolutely dominated, they were now second class citizens.

Or maybe even worse...new poor.

***

“Marshall” is a descriptor these days.  It’s describing the sound of a tube amp with a good-sized transformer being fed by British tubes, typically EL34′s.

If you want a “Marshall,” Marshall is probably the fourth or fifth company I’d recommend.  There’s a lot of debate about this, but I do not believe amps built on PCB are worth more than $1k...shit, that’s generous because I would not personally buy an amplifier using PCB.

This is the power amp section for a new Marshall JCM.

For all you IT guys out there, you probably know that PCB ain’t exactly the most receptive thing to changes in temperature.  Hey!  I got a great idea!  Lets put power and preamp tubes, that heat the fuck up, straight on some cheap ass PCB with janky copper wiring and automated solders!

Literally the only people who will tell you PCB is fine are people who build amps for a living.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t give a shit about making your job easier when you’re still charging me full price and plus some.  The only people saying that there’s no reason to do a point-to-point amp are those who are too lazy to, because there’s a big boutique market for this very thing.

Lets do a real apples to apples comparison here...

The top pic is a restored 1972 Marshall 1987x.  You can buy these used for under $2k...but let’s use $2k...plus $200 restoration (just the guts, who cares about how an amp looks).  We’re at $2,200.  And this electric shit is so simple a vacuum repair shop could do it.

The bottom pic is a brand spakin’ new Marshall 1987x reissue, modeled after...you guessed it...the 1972 Marshall 1987x.  That’s some clean wiring on that particle board!  But...wait...why am I paying MORE for a less desirable model, that took exponentially less work on Marshall’s end?  Why would I subsidize their profit margins for an inferior product with less resale value?

Furthermore...the 1987x is a one-channel, stupid simple amp.  Why do you need PCB to begin with?  I get it for a Soldano or Rectifier that’s multi-channel, with huge sweeping EQ sections, reverb, etc...but this is a plug-n-play.

Marshall...the company...has been doing that to their customer base for decades.  Back in the day, you knew what you were getting...a thunderous machine that likely would fail at some point, necessitating multiple amp purchases.  Literally the instant better, higher quality alternatives hit the market, it ripped into Marshall’s market share.

Today, if I were recommending a Marshall, the first place I’d recommend is George Metropoluos.  Second would be Friedman.  I’m currently deeply in love with a Friedman amp that’s a single-channel, point-to-point 40w amp that’s essentially a Tweed Bassman with EL84′s and a switchable gain stage...adorably named the Dirty Shirley.

***

Conclusion

Despite all that, I have a romantic love of Marshalls that overrides anything to do with quality or practicality.  It’s kind of like my love for the Gibson Les Paul grotesquely compounded...

You might think that I have a negative opinion of Marshalls based on everything I’ve just written.  Not true.  All of that stuff, it’s nothing in comparison to just how fucking incredible these things sound in person.  Again, neither of these instruments are in my wheelhouse, but if you asked me what the platonic ideal sound an electric guitar makes, it’d be a Les Paul through a cranked Marshall 1987x.

And even if you’re not into this kinda shit, trust me you’ve heard more than your fair share of Marshalls in the past.  They’re that great.  So great, it doesn’t matter how shitty they may or may not be.

PS...I wrote this in 3 different sessions, didn’t edit or re-read, and just posted away because something is better than nothing.

[kingdomheartsthot]

Let’s mcfreaking go. The organization at karaoke

Ifucking LIVE for asks like this

Xemnas – Surprisingly good??? Mostlyprefers to sing emotional ballads, and his deep ass voice is pretty good atconveying emotion. His face would be so hilarious tho because he’d be trynamake these deep, soulful facial expressions because he’s extra af. Hisspecialities would be Foreigner, Celine Dion, Heart and Africa by Toto.

Xigbar – Fucking chaotic.  Bitch can’t even hold a note. Would bepartial to singing classic rock anthems, such as AC/DC, Aerosmith, AliceCooper, stuff like that. Is loud af, and pretty much screams high notes becauseotherwise he can’t reach them. Gets way too into it. Actually thinks he’spretty amazing, no one else agrees.

Xaldin – Okay so this guys gotta bepretty fucking drunk to be convinced to do karaoke. He isn’t necessarily badbut he isn’t good either. Probs would prefer to sing some old blues. Xigbaronce attempted to convince Xaldin to do a duet with him and Xaldin punched himin the face.

Vexen – Has this screechy ass voicethat no one wants to hear. Should not sing ever. Would be into singing 80stunes, so basically he has the same music taste as most nerdy dads. Wouldattempt to sing songs by Erasure and A-ha. Always manages to reach the highnotes, and almost destroys everyone’s ears.

Lexaeus – Lowkey has an angelic singingvoice. Y’know in Step Brothers where Brennan sings Por Ti Volare at theCatalina Wine Mixer??? That would be Lexaeus. His voice can make people cry. AndXigbar would be in the background yelling ‘BOATS N HOES’

Zexion – ‘Wake me up- WAKE ME UPINSIDE’. Very emo, 10/10 for emotion and effort. Isn’t a good singer, andpretty much yells the songs. He’d sing songs by Fall Out Boy, MCR andEvanescence.

Saїx – Partaking in karaoke is arare occurrence. Sings in a monotone voice and looks like he wants to die. Can’twait for the song to be over. Always chooses to sing shit by Nickelback becausehe’s a fucking loser. Axel and Demyx would be pissing themselves laughing theentire time.

Axel – ‘I’M A FIRESTARTER, TWISTEDFIRESTARTER’. Doesn’t really sing, he more like yells the entire song. What helacks in skill hr makes up for with enthusiasm and charisma. Fun karaoke pal.Would also sing songs by Blink 182, Electric Six and Green Day.

Demyx – HE WAS BORN READY! Totalkaraoke whore. Gets way too into it. Will sing everything and anything, andalso won’t let anyone else have a turn. The microphone will have to be peeledfrom his cold, dead hands. Does really well at performing songs by Sum 41,Bowling for Soup and Nicki Minaj???

Luxord – ‘Anyways here’s Wonderwall’ Obsessedwith Oasis and also Queen. He has a pretty steady voice tbh, and would be quitepleasant to listen to. 10/10 would recommend.

Larxene – HATES KARAOKE! Whoever forcedher to do this will die. Would probably sing stuff by Avril Lavigne, P!nk, TheSounds and Kelly Clarkson, y’know, just girly pop rock anthems.

Marluxia – You just know he’s gonna killit. He would be amazing at karaoke. His specialities would be ABBA, Cher andLady Gaga. He’s a gay karaoke icon.

Roxas – Emo boi. Would be so bad atkaraoke omg. He’d be so quiet and just mumble into the microphone. Very shy.Someone just save this boy from the humiliation and take the goddamn mic offhim pleASE.

Xion – Okay so imagine this cutesmol bean just looking all sweet and innocent and then BOOM! Babymetal!!! Wouldalso be v good at Kpop.  

[rosecoloredknight]

thank you @cultivatingkindness for tagging-- which, by the way, I’m so sorry for the late response.

nickname(s): poncho (it’s been my nickname since I was born) and brick (brick is more of my counselor name here at NaCoMe. It’s used to conceal our real names.)

gender: male

height: barely 5′8 haha- I’m a small bean

where i’m from: well i’m from the United States of America, but to be more specifically? I’m from Texas in a little city called McAllen-- currently though, I’m in Tennessee working intern summer position as a counselor!!

hogwarts house: Ravenclaw, whoop whoop!

favorite show: hmmm Bones, Supernatural, and many more, but I’ll just mention these two

favorite animal: known as “the ghost of the mountains”, the snow leopards

favorite band/artist: there’s so many i can name ahhhhh i just don’t have a “favorite” but for now -- Tom Walker

song stuck in my head: Arm by The Paper Kites

last movie i saw: the quiet place, sigh so sad

number of blankets: none .... i need some!!! 😅😞

followers: 452? (i feel like they’re mostly bots? but if you’re not one of them then !!!! hi and thank you-- hope all is well)

following: 181.. i think

average hours of sleep: 5hrs ..I KNOW sigh

lucky number: 32

what i’m wearing: NaCoMe light blue shirt and jeans with tennis shoes (i’m about to start work again in a bit)

dream job: sigh-- i’m really falling for this job, but anywhere that focuses on foster care. Wait falling like in a good way- I need to find better words to describe sigh, I'll stop now

dream trips: anywhere near an ocean sigh

favorite food: Nate our maintenance director made me a vegan lasagna and OMG. I have a lot of favorite but YES- Vegan lasagna is so goood.

instruments i play: i am currently and slowly learning to play the piano

eye color: brown

hair color: dark brown

aesthetic: hmmmm, i like cultivatingkindness answer-- but if i have to use another word? a mix of chill disarray

languages i speak: puedo ablar espanol and english as well

most iconic song: i don’t know what’s considered iconic? so i’ll just go with a song that’s “up-itty”- is this love by Bob Marley

when I created this account: 2015? I remember posting something about brutasha? for avengers: age of ultron? (It's a pairing I was really rooting for- still am by the way). No shame as well.

best memory: ahhhhhh so many good ones, but i’ll choose one from my internship-- apparenty I Am the kindest counselor in camp so all the kids and counselors referred to me as the camp sweetheart ahhh- i’m like so embarrassed about that-- but like-- another favorite memory of mine is being able to encourage a camper to try out the leap of faith!!! sigh

best pun: why are bugs happy all the time? because they eat what bugs them. BOOM. *mic drops*

random fact: hmmm oh! i almost drowned when i was a kid at the beach and nobody found out because i saved myself- basically I submerged myself to the bottom and then jump forwards until I reached the shore.

there’s so many i want to tag but ahhh-- you know what? here- i tag @with-kindnessloveandcomfort @his-grace-abounds @avocados-and-evergreens @fivelakes @almostolive and if you ever see this @never-fear-the-night <3

you guys definitely don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but yeah-- here you go-- I want to tag more people, like seriously, but if you think this is fun and i didn’t tag you? chances are I TOTALLY wanted to tag you!-- so please feel free to do it anyways and tag me so i can see it! also if you don’t have a hogwart house, go to pottermore.com to find out! okay i’ll shut up now-- ohh and loveandcomfort, i’ll do my best to answer that ask as soon as i can! (it’s just a wholesome ask thing of naming five things?)-- okay-- take care guys ☺️☺️👍👋

Oh and @cultivatingkindness thanks again buddy 😊😊👍

[ill-skillsgard]

Phoenix Rising, Part 2 - Valter Skarsgård

Title: Phoenix Rising

Description: The struggle for domination is paved with deceit and destructive lust as two enemies battle it out for control night after night.

Warning: 18+ swearing/mentions of rape/violence/femdom/DDLG leanings

Part 1

Monday came quickly and I had occupied my weekend with going out with friends and having late night drinks. I had been playing far too many video games and figured it was best for me to take a break and try to be social in preparation for my new job. I made the trip out to the next town over and joined a group of high school friends for trivia in a well-known bar in the heart of downtown. It was nice to see all the people I had grown up with but as I sat in a booth trying to think of the answer to some oddly obscure trivia question I thought to myself that I would be having so much more fun if I had just picked up a bottle of wine for myself and spent the night on my couch in front of my console. Shaking my head, I tried to dismiss the unknown fact that I was becoming an addict when it came to gaming. I thought about playing Agents of Carnage all night and one of my girlfriends noticed that I had been uncharacteristically quiet. "You feeling all right, Nix?" She asked. I shook out of my reverie and smiled at her before taking a long overdue sip of my Tom Collins. "Yeah, I'm okay." "You seem like you're not all here." "I know. I'm nervous about starting my new job tomorrow." "Why? You were like made for that job." "I know but I'm just worried. I haven't had a retail job in a long time and it's a weird environment. It's practically all guys there." "That might be fun though. All guys, huh?" She elbowed me playfully. "All guys that still live in their parents' basements," I giggled. I felt the haze of social fatigue descend on me quickly. All of my friends were downing and ordering more drinks, laughing and reminiscing about good times while I sat there and finished the same drink I had started the night with. Halfway through the second round of trivia was when I decided that I wanted to leave and go home to bed. When I looked around me nobody was paying me any mind so I finished the last sip of my drink, set the glass down on the coaster and excused myself. On my way home I felt bad for leaving without saying goodbye but at the same time it felt like such a relief to get away from all the pressure of socializing. Smirking at my own irony, I realized that I really was starting to become as reclusive as the people I had looked down on. There was a guilty weight attached to my ankles as I walked into my apartment, dropped my bag, kicked off my shoes and sat down on my couch with my controller in hand. The little beep that my console made when it turned on was the tiniest reminder that I was becoming less of the social butterfly I once was and more of a sequestered outsider. I didn't want to continue thinking about it and as I logged in and saw a message in my inbox, I forgot all about my guilt by the way my heart skipped a beat.

Come on Pussycat. Play with me. Without bothering to reply, I logged onto Agents of Carnage and just as I had predicted, he was already on and at number 2 on the leaderboard. I smirked as it looked like he had been practicing extra hard for when I finally decided to do a rematch. I was feeling brave and sent him a challenge request and while I waited for his response, I turned on the mic on my headset.

Vscars accepted your challenge! The screen went dark grey and the little loading icon appeared in the corner. I was nervous but ready and when the game started I heard his voice over my headset. "Oh, hello Pussycat," he greeted me in a cheeky tone that already had my blood pumping. "Hello, fucking annoying guy that won't leave me alone," I replied. "Fancy yourself a hard fuck? Because that's what I'm going to do to you all night long." I squeezed my controller harder as I moved around the board, collecting as many guns, knives, grenades, and bullets as I possibly could. "Let's get one thing straight. I'm playing one game. If I beat you, you better shut the fuck up and leave me alone. If you beat me, well then... You still better shut the fuck up." "No promises." The randomly selected board was one of the ones that I absolutely hated. It provided almost no cover save for a turret tower that posed instant death as soon as somebody climbed up onto it. I made it a point to not resort to such cheap methods of winning but I had a feeling that Vscars had no qualms with cherry-picking instant wins like that. "If you go up that tower with a sniper rifle you're a fucking pussy," I said into the soft black cover of my mic. "I was just going to say that to you, pussycat." "Stop calling me that!" I yelled. "Pussycat, pussycat, pussycat!" "You're annoying as fuck," I said, voice low in my throat. Before he could say anything else to me I spotted him turning a corner. If he was anything like me he would be entering the little stone shack and if I aimed well I knew I could throw a grenade through the window and possibly blow him up in one go. The first time I ripped the pin out of a grenade and chucked it, it bounced off the pane of the window and flew back at me but I dodged it, much to his amusement and my frustration. "Don't blow yourself up, now. Come on, number six," he laughed at me. "Fuck," I grumbled. It was too late for me to execute my plan because not only had he caught on to it, I had also given up my position and the sound of bullets firing in my direction forced me to retreat. If it wasn't for the dry air of my apartment, I would have sat there with my tongue poking out in hard concentration. One of his bullets hit me and took out a quarter of my health. I tried not to make a sound but the way he was teasing me made it hard for me to ignore it. "Fuck you, you fucking...-" "Fuck?" He finished for me. "Yeah. Whatever. Why don't you come out from that shack for once? Is this your strategy? Hiding and waiting for me to come by? I know where you are." "Come and get me then." Huffing, I decided that it wouldn't matter much if he killed me anyway. My rank wouldn't change too much if he beat me. So I switched to a shotgun, made sure it was fully loaded and ran towards the entrance of the shack with it cocked and ready to fire as soon as I saw him. "Psych, wasn't there. Right behind you!" He yelled, making me wince as his voice pounded through my headset and into my ears. "Boom. You're dead."

You Lose!

"Fuck off. I hate this board," I said through clenched teeth. "I knew it was just luck." "No, it wasn't! You're just a pussy that posts up and ambushes people!" "All right well, let's play again. Challenge me!" "No. You challenge me!" "See? You are scared. But that's fine, I'll challenge you only because I'm not afraid I'm going to lose any points!" He laughed hard enough into his mic that it fed back and hurt my ears. "I'm going to ram my dick so far up your little cun-" Then everything in my apartment went black. The TV turned off, the lights turned off and even the fixtures in the hallway were seemingly dead until the backup generator for the building kicked in. I looked around blindly for a moment, the controller still in my grip before I set it down to root around for my cell phone. "What the fuck?" I asked myself, turning on the flashlight application on my phone so I could see better. Trying to avoid stubbing my toes off of all my furniture, I made my way to the balcony and slid open the door. I lived on the fourteenth floor of a high-rise apartment building and the power had seemingly gone out everywhere. I could hear people mumbling on their balconies above and below me about how it looked like everyone's power had gone out. I leaned up against the guardrail and stared down at the ground below. I didn't much care for heights so every time I took a peek over the railing I felt my stomach twist in a knot. "Shit..." The time on my phone said 11:32 PM so I decided instead of staying up and fretting about when the power would come back on, I would go to sleep and deal with the aftermath in the morning when I woke up to get ready to start my new job.

~*~

I got the jitters when I entered the store and made my way through an aisle stacked with cases upon cases of old school video games. In the back of the store, I could hear some voices chattering and laughing and then all went silent when the people who had been talking spotted me. The guy who had interviewed me was standing there with two others. One guy, I had never seen before and the other was the blond that I had spotted as I was leaving my interview a couple of days ago. They all stared at me and I felt like shriveling into myself and blowing away. "Hey, you're Nix?" The unfamiliar man asked me, extending his hand for a shake. "Yeah, that's me," I said matter-of-factly as I shook his hand. "I'm Riley and you already met Kyle. I'm the manager so you guys will be training with me." I looked at the blond that stood taller than all of us and he looked at me. Riley then realized that he and I didn't know each other at all and broke the silence that was falling quickly and heavily over us. "Nix, this is is Valter. Valter, Nix. We usually never have two people starting at the same time so you guys can be little buddies or whatever." "Cool," Valter said, giving me a casual nod and a smile. I offered a small simper but didn't say much else as we were taken through the whole store and shown where our lockers were, where to take breaks and all of the other ins and outs of the store. It was a small building and we shared a parking lot with a convenience store, a head shop and a hair salon. Besides the aisles of video games and collectibles, there wasn't too much else to the store beside the back rooms and Riley's office where I had been interviewed. The locker room doubled as a break room where we could sit and eat lunch if we chose and once all three of us were in there I noticed how tiny of a room it was. Valter towered over me in close proximity as Riley showed us which lockers were ours. "So you guys can use these to put whatever inside. Yours will be side-by-side. All I ask is that you don't bring anything illegal in here and you keep them clean. No leaving food to rot like some people have in the past." "Ah, that sucks. I was definitely going to bring my rotten tuna sandwiches to work," Valter joked. I didn't quite laugh at his joke as Riley did. I just simply stared up at him. He definitely wasn't from the city. He had a notable accent in his voice that was hard for me to place. I wanted to ask him where he was from but I didn't want to interrupt Riley or appear as though my mind was anywhere besides present. I was curious though and hoped it would come up in conversation so that I didn't have to ask him myself. There was something about Valter that made me wary. He had an innocent enough looking face but his height combined with the mystery behind his accent made me think extra hard about him and when I thought extra hard about somebody I knew that a new habit was taking form. I shook my head but found myself watching him again after a minute had gone by. I wanted to hear him speak again so I could try to determine where exactly he was from. "So. That's the basic run around of the store. Now I assume both of you already have a fair knowledge of the products we carry, right?" "Yes," I answered. "Good. Now it's pop-quiz time! Don't worry though, it's nothing major. I just want to see how well you guys know your video games. Now... What came first, Sega Saturn or Sega Master system?" "Sega Saturn!" I blurted and then turned red when both Riley and Valter looked at me with startlement. "That's right. What year was the master system released?" "Ah, crap. Um, mid-eighties?" Valter inquired. "Hm," Riley pondered. "I'll give that one to you, Valter. It was nineteen eighty-six. Now you're both tied." "Oh, I didn't know this was a competition," I pointed out. Riley laughed, "it's not but I kind of like where this is going. So... what system was the first Pokemon game released for?" "That's easy, original Gameboy," I scoffed. "Correct! Now... Oh. Hang on one second, there's a customer at the front of the store. You two stay here and uh... Look around. Familiarize yourself with where everything is, all right? I'll be right back." The ringing of the front door did sound, indicating that somebody had walked through the front door. I looked around and took a few steps over to a cabinet that was home to a treasure trove of retro video games that were older than me and still in their original boxes. Gawking at the sheer nostalgic value of them all I drifted away from thoughts of the present and started thinking about going home and playing all of the old games I had in my collection. "You're an old-school gamer?" I turned and saw Valter pretending like he was looking at something fascinating but I knew it couldn't be all that attention-stealing because he was striking up a conversation with me. I shrugged my shoulders first before answering, "I guess so. I have a pretty fair collection. To be honest, I bought most of the games I own from here." "Me too," He replied. "Oh... Cool. You're from around here?" I asked. "Not originally, no," he answered. "I could tell." "What gave it away? My accent, I bet?" He laughed. Mirroring his chuckle, I replied, "it could also be the blond hair and your height but... Definitely the accent. I feel like I've heard it before." He nodded. "Sweden." "Wow," I mused. "Long way from home." "I've lived here a while now." "All right, all right, all right!" Riley gathered our attention. I kind of liked Riley upon our first day training with him. He was a video game geek but not someone that would rub it in your face. There was a pepper of attitude in him lined with humor and he was good at cutting silences and diminishing awkward conversation. By the end of the day, it had seemed like no time had passed at all since he had both Valter and me laughing almost the whole time. I was thankful for that because I found it hard to open up to new people most of the time. Nine o'clock rolled around and after Riley showed us how to properly close up the store he stopped us outside of doors. "So guys. Any questions? I know you're off the clock now but if you need to know anything, feel free to ask now." Valter and I looked at each other and shrugged before I piped up, "I mean, I'm good for now. I'm sure tomorrow I'll have tonnes more questions." "Yeah, dude. Thanks for today," Valter reached out and bumped fists with Riley. "Not a problem guys. Oh! One more thing. Every last Friday of every month we have a gaming party or tournament. After hours, at my place. Every new employee is bound by blood to come." "Funny," Valter laughed. "I don't remember signing anything in blood." "I don't take blood contracts lightly," I added. "Don't worry. We'll extract it from you eventually. So... Next week. Friday night. I know it's pretty new but if you guys don't come I'll take it as a personal slight." "Sure, man. I'll definitely be there. What do you guys play?" Valter asked. "It's different every time. Sometimes Smash Brothers, sometimes Call of Duty. One time we just sat around playing Dungeons and Dragons until three in the morning. You never know. Shit can get a little crazy." Valter smiled, showing teeth and all. "Cool. I'll be there for sure." Riley then looked at me as I fiddled with my car keys in one hand. "And what about you, Madame? Fancy yourself a little D 'n D?" It was too early for me to tell whether I truly wanted to hang out at a strangers house so I thought of the most ambiguous answer I possibly could. "Maybe. If you're playing Smash Bros you can consider your asses already kicked." Valter's eyes went wide and his full lips pulled up into an amused grin. "Feisty! Now I think you have to come." I rolled my eyes at him as I started taking steps backward towards my car. "Gentleman," I bid them farewell. Once I got home I was relieved to find that the power was finally back on and I could make dinner without having to light a dozen candles. I was also thankful that I could sit down after a long day on my feet and play but when I logged on I found a bunch of messages in my inbox. I scoffed before I even opened it and saw they were all from Vscars.

u seriously rage quit? Weak.

Come back, pussycat?

I STG if I see you in the lobby I'm never going to stop challenging you.

RUDE!

Appalled by the messages I had received from him, I decided to at least cover my ass and reply with why I had seemingly quit the game out of nowhere. 

Sorry, my power went out. Let's rematch? It felt strange to be asking him to play with me since he had proven to be the most infantile, annoying opponent I had ever crossed paths with besides the ten-year-old boys that played online. But there was something intriguing about one of the top players on the board wanting to fight me over and over again. It gave me a sense of worth that I knew was just a silly construct in my mind although, it still felt good that somebody that everyone knew about was giving me attention. I logged onto Agents of Carnage and saw that he had been recently active. Before I knew it, I was receiving a challenge notification.

Vscars wants to challenge you! Accept? Deny? Pressing down instantly on the A button, I accepted the challenge and waited eagerly as I watched the Agents of Carnage load screen. As soon as the screen lit back up I was transported into the immersive world that was my newest favourite game. "Oh, hello pussycat. Come to get fucked by me some more?" I adjusted my mic in front of my mouth, squirmed into a more comfortable position on my couch and clutched my controller, readying myself with a grin on my face that nobody could see. "Suck my fucking clit. You're going to die." He laughed heartily into his microphone, "we'll see. Wouldn't want your power to go out again, huh?" "That was a freak of nature," I defended myself. "Doesn't matter to me, you're the one who lost points. You're no longer number six." "Fuck," I whispered even though I knew he could still hear every word that I said. "Not for long, dickhead. Let's dance." He made those insufferable kissing noises at me and as much as I despised them, it enraged me and I knew that I had to do all I could to hold a win over him. I couldn't plummet further down the leaderboard. I had worked so hard to get up to where I was. So I got comfortable and prepared myself for a long night of screaming at my television screen.

[thecourtreportersportedjorts]

The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2018

In December of each year, Billboard publishes its list of the 100 biggest hit songs of the last 12 months. In response, I take it upon myself to decide which of these songs were the real hits, and which were the biggest misses. Last time, I tackled the worst, so we'll be looking at the highlights this time. Let's get started:

10. "Stir Fry" by Migos

Like Drake’s Scorpion, I decided to sit out Culture II. And just like that album, I was actually excited to hear what the Migos had to offer, before discovering that the album would consist of 24 tracks. Reports that the Atlanta trap purveyors only spent 20 to 45 minutes in the studio for each song only made me less interested in what would surely be a slog of an album. I figured that hearing the numbingly repetitive “Walk It Talk It” would be a perfect microcosm of the album. But just like Drake (who I will be discussing later on this list), there were singles that gave me hope, especially “Stir Fry.”

Sure, “MotorSport” was a great lead single that saw Offset and Takeoff holding their own against some excellent guest verses from Nicki and Cardi, but “Stir Fry” found the group advancing on all fronts. The flows were faster and more dynamic, and Quavo’s multiple hooks were among his stickiest to date. Of course, the song isn’t really about anything besides cooking and dealing hard drugs, but the wordplay and rhyme schemes are more advanced than usual, especially coming from Offset.

But the most interesting thing about “Stir Fry” comes from its production. The Pharrell-crafted beat is apparently a leftover from 2008, but the track nevertheless sounds refreshing, even futuristic, amidst the unending wave of boilerplate trap bangers. The whistles, buzzing synths, and boom-bap-adjacent drums are totally uncharacteristic of Migos’ usual style, and just like “Slide” last year, it’s evidence that these guys put in some of their best work when accompanied by more uptempo instrumentation. It may not be “that trap sound,” but if more artists take Pharrell’s cues, it very well could be.

9. "Call Out My Name" by The Weeknd

As much as I’ve been singing The Weeknd’s praises on these lists since his mainstream breakthrough in 2015, it may be surprising that I’ve never talked about his first solo hit “Earned It.” There’s a good reason for that: I just don’t feel strongly about the song one way or another. Sure, the song was good enough that it could make you forget it was on the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack, but it didn’t quite match up against the harrowing atmosphere of “The Hills” or especially the infectious groove of “Can’t Feel My Face.” And now, after the release of “Call Out My Name” in 2018, the Fifty Shades hit even got an update!

To be fair, “Call Out My Name” only bears similarity to “Earned It” in its musicality. It’s a recasting of the earlier song as a more melancholic ballad that gives credence to early claims that My Dear Melancholy, would return to Abel Tesfaye’s original sound. The song is built around a well-utilized sample of “Killing Time” by Nicolas Jaar (who, by the way, dropped one of the year’s best albums with Against All Logic's compilation 2012-2017) that builds to a fever pitch with its pounding drums, mournful synths, and vocal distortion. Fitting of a track with Jaar’s imprint, it’s some of the most inventive production work in 2018’s pop landscape, and yet another entry into the canon of great singles by The Weeknd.

Oddly enough, “Call Out My Name” also recalls “I Feel It Coming” in that it subverts the persona that has become integral to The Weeknd’s music. Tesfaye, who normally plays the heartbreaker on cuts like “The Hills” or “Angel,” finds himself in the opposite situation, which was undoubtedly informed by his well-publicized breakup with Selena Gomez. The result is one of the singer’s most captivating vocal performances in recent memory. While the similarities to “Earned It” may keep this song from ranking higher, I can’t deny that “Call Out My Name” is still a worthwhile song that encapsulates everything a good Weeknd song is about.

8. "King's Dead" by Jay Rock, Kendrick Lamar, Future & James Blake

It may have been a year since its release, but it's worth reiterating that Black Panther was every bit as good as anticipated. The film featured stunning visuals, dizzying action sequences, profound messaging, and an especially strong performance by Michael B. Jordan as Killmonger. But since I’m not a film critic, I’d rather discuss the film’s soundtrack, which was expertly curated by none other than Kendrick Lamar. Fresh off the monumental success of 2017’s DAMN., the soundtrack could easily be dismissed as a victory lap where the Compton rapper highlights some budding talents, but the album is stacked with great pop songs and thrilling bangers.

“King’s Dead” immediately cements itself in the latter category with its infectious hook, where Lamar repeats key phrases like “miss me with that bullshit” and “this ain’t what you want.” Top Dawg labelmate Jay Rock, who makes his Billboard Hot 100 debut here, takes the first verse with a delivery that’s repetitive, but his flow is also hypnotic in its speed. Future takes the mic next, using his trademark Autotuned crooning before suddenly bursting into a creaky falsetto where he references iconic the rap tracks “La Di Da Di” and “Slob on My Knob.” It’s utterly bizarre, and perhaps very Not Good™, but it nevertheless captures the attention and gets a smile out of me every time.

Then, two minutes in, something amazing happens. James Fucking Blake sings a brief interlude, and the no-nonsense trap beat transforms into a freewheeling trunk-knocker with a bass that rivals Lamar’s own “DNA.” in its size. Lamar finishes the song off with a mind-altering verse that somehow works with the beat despite their decidedly off-kilter rhythms. He also refers to himself as “King Killmonger” after seemingly aligning himself with the Black Panther antagonist’s ambitions throughout his verse. It’s an absolute journey of a track that still hits hard, even well after the film’s release.

7. "Be Careful" by Cardi B

A lot of people expected Cardi B to fall off after the runaway success of “Bodak Yellow.” After the follow-up single “Bartier Cardi” treaded the same ground (with some help from 21 Savage), it seemed entirely possible. Surprisingly, the Bronx rapper continued to notch great guest verses on songs with Migos, Bruno Mars, and even G-Eazy, and her album Invasion of Privacy turned out to be the sort of all-killer, no-filler rap album that is a growing rarity amongst the likes of Culture II and Scorpion. “Bodak” was just the tip of the iceberg, and “Be Careful” immediately follows it on the album’s tracklist, further complicating the entire phenomenon that is Cardi B.

Taking cues from the flute-laced beats that were in vogue around 2016 to 2017, master producer Boi-1da approaches “Be Careful” with the same keen ear that defined earlier tracks or “Work” and “The Blacker the Berry.” On top of this, Cardi proves to be a charismatic singer in her own right, whether providing her own hook or interpolating the legendary bridge of Lauryn Hill’s “Ex-Factor.” It’s this particular reference that causes the track on the whole to sound slightly out of step with the mainstream, bearing a welcome resemblance to the pop-rap of the late 90s or early 2000s.

All of this makes “Be Careful” a standout in Cardi’s catalog, but the songwriting only enhances its quality. Where a song like “I’m Upset” or even Cardi’s own “Bartier Cardi” might feel more awkward in light of recent events, “Be Careful” and its verses about infidelity only ring even more powerfully after her particularly uncomfortable split from Offset. The second verse is one of her strongest so far, highlighting how her partner (who she apparently claims isn’t Offset) is affecting her mental health and exacerbating her insecurities. Anyone who dismissed Cardi as a one-dimensional artist after hearing “Bodak Yellow” and some spare guest verses may find themselves surprised at the vulnerability she displays so fearlessly here.

6. "God is a Woman" by Ariana Grande

Even a cursory look at 2018’s year-end chart will reveal that the genre of pop wasn’t nearly as significant as it was in a year like 2012 or 2015. You could probably tell just by reading this list, as it’s been dominated by rappers and The Weeknd, who took a turn back to his darker, alternative R&B sound. The sound of trap music doesn’t exactly lend itself well to a pop sensibility, which is why artists who attempt for some sort of middle ground (i.e. Post Malone) only end up sounding really wishy-washy and unimpressive. Of course, there are exceptions, and it comes as no surprise that one such example would come from Ariana Grande.

“God is a Woman” is a best-of-both-worlds marriage of the two sides of Sweetener: the bubbly trap crafted by Pharrell, and the massive Max Martin-produced pop that has become Ariana’s signature sound. In other words, the track has the hard-hitting drums of a Travis Scott song, paired with the momentum of songs like “Can’t Feel My Face” or “Style.” Nothing about the song feels compromised, especially as the song builds to a triumphant climax featuring Ariana’s whistle notes and a grand backing choir that make for one of music’s best moments in 2018.

The title of “God is a Woman” alone indicates that Ariana isn’t holding back here, even as she tackles the same forceful, sexually charged pop that characterized “Love Me Harder” or “Into You.” This time, she takes the familiar subject matter and infuses it with a sort of spiritually-informed feminism that’s just gleefully blasphemous enough to win me over instantly. All the while, she exhibits her full-bodied lower register, the aforementioned whistle notes, and even a delivery that transforms the Migos flow into something bigger and more portentous. In the pop landscape of 2018, Ariana Grande easily delivered on her title, easily claiming god status with this magnificent song.

5. "SICKO MODE" by Travis Scott

When I included “Love Galore” on this list in 2017, I feared that I may have given the impression that I dislike Travis Scott. I admitted that I didn’t like the song quite as much as “Drew Barrymore” or “The Weekend” (which could have topped this chart had it performed better), but it ranked relatively low on the list because I thought his verse was detrimental to the song as a whole. That said, I’ve actually been a fan of Travis ever since he refined the trap aesthetic on his debut album Rodeo, and it’s been a pleasure to see the Houston rapper continue to expand upon rap’s hottest sound to increasingly lucrative results. In 2018, he released ASTROWORLD, his biggest and best album to date, and he managed a surprise chart-topper with “SICKO MODE,” the cornerstone of the album.

The first minute of “SICKO MODE” might seem unsuspecting. Sure, the synth chords might be foreboding, but you’re soon greeted to an uncredited Drake singing about a friend struggling to make ends meet in a seemingly patronizing way. But he sounds better here than nearly any other song he made this year. The drums kick in, Drake adopts a faster flow, and as soon as he introduces Travis, the beat changes to a blend of hypnotic synths, fat bass, and whirring sound effects and samples. Travis’ flow is at its most infectious to date, and he cements his unique curator status with the iconic line, “who put this shit together? I’m the glue.”

After a cameo from Swae Lee, the synths glitch, and we’re treated to yet another sudden beat switch, this time to a more subdued, organ-laden production by Tay Keith. Drake also returns, seemingly motivated by Travis’ performance as he delivers one of his coldest flows since If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late. The resulting verse is a thrill to listen to, but Travis finishes off the track by building on Drake’s “out like a light” hook and using the same flow. Sure, Travis may be the one who put this shit together, but “SICKO MODE” proves that he knows how to make the most out of his collaborations.

It’s also worth noting that in a rap landscape ruled by the likes of Lil Pump and XXXTentacion, the five-minute runtime of “SICKO MODE” seems a little excessive. But the fact that the song is essentially a suite of much smaller trap bangers proves yet again that Travis Scott has an uncanny knack for upgrading the current sound. In a way, it’s also an answer to “Te Bote” in that Travis and Drake can at least justify the song’s length with a wealth of captivating musical ideas. When this shit is way too formal, y’all know Travis Scott doesn’t follow suit, and it’s a blessing to see him continue to innovate.

4. "Delicate" by Taylor Swift

Last year, I omitted what should have been an obvious pick for my Worst Hit Songs List: Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do.” Maybe it’s just because anything Jack Antonoff touches immediately sounds good to my ears, but I couldn’t really muster up any sort of hatred for the song. On first listen, it registered as campy and nowhere near as self-serious as so many people made it out to be. That said, I understand why “Look What You Made Me Do” wasn’t so well-liked, and I still hold that it was a terrible choice for Reputation’s lead single.

Much of this belief has to do with “Delicate,” the song that – for whatever reason – precedes “Look What You Made Me Do” in the album’s track sequence. Much like that song, “Delicate” tackles the subject of fame, except in a return to the relationship-oriented format in which Taylor excels. She finds herself anxious that anything she says can be misinterpreted and used against her, realizing that her “reputation’s never been worse.” Thus, when she finally meets a guy who’s interested in her despite all the drama, it sparks a subtle kind of joy in her that builds as the song progresses.

“A subtle kind of joy” is also a good way to describe the instrumentation on “Delicate,” which always reminded me of the sounds The xx explored on their 2017 album, I See You. It shares a lot in common with that album’s subdued tropical synths, gently building dance grooves, and vocal manipulations. I See You was widely regarded as an expansion of the low-key, intimate sound that became the group’s calling card, and the same can be said about “Delicate,” which is only given deeper meaning with the firestorm of controversy that surrounded Reputation’s rollout. If this were released as the lead single rather than “Look What You Made Me Do,” perhaps the album would have been much easier to swallow.

3. "Nice for What" by Drake

Since writing my worst list this year, I’ve tried listening to Scorpion again, and with only a few exceptions, the album confirmed pretty much all the fears I had when I heard “I’m Upset.” If VIEWS was considered a decline in quality for the Toronto rapper, this album walked right up to the line of self-parody, seeing Drake moaning half-heartedly about women and fame on top of some of the sparsest, blandest instrumentals his producers have offered up to date. In other words, I know shorty, and she doesn’t want know slow song, which Scorpion offered up in smothering abundance. And while there are some songs on the album that succeed despite their obvious formula, the only song that breaks out of the mold is “Nice for What.”

If anything, the greatness of “Nice for What” only puts the its parent album’s failings into sharper focus. With every successive project, it seems that Drake tries adding a new style of music to his repertoire, whether it’s trap on Nothing Was the Same or dancehall on VIEWS. This time around, he’s trying his hand at the energetic, largely underground style of New Orleans bounce. The genre is known for its heavy use of samples, so it’s only fitting that the track not only samples bounce legend Big Freedia’s voice, but the second sample of the bridge of Lauryn Hill’s “Ex-Factor” to hit the charts this year. Where “Be Careful” only interpolated the bridge as a hook, producer Murda Beatz makes the sample the foundation of “Nice for What,” and it sounds absolutely blissful.

Then there’s the lyrics, which have been highly celebrated for their message of women’s empowerment. Given that this is by the same guy who made songs like “Hotline Bling” and “Child’s Play,” it could be easy to dismiss “Nice for What” as a textbook example of pandering, but I’d much rather hear Drake pandering than hear him say another goddamn word about child support. Furthermore, the song forgoes the usual trappings of female empowerment anthems written and performed by men by not harping on how badly he wants to have sex with the women he writes about. Top this off with Drake sounding the most energized he's arguably ever been, and it’s hard not to believe every second of the song.

2. "I Like It" by Cardi B, Bad Bunny, & J Balvin

In case it hasn’t been abundantly clear by now, Cardi B had an absolutely tremendous 2018. Looking over the year-end charts, she made eight appearances on the list, tying with Drake for the most spots occupied by one artist. Sure, one of those was “Bodak Yellow,” and half of them were guest appearances for the likes of G-Eazy and Maroon 5 (sigh), but the fact that she managed to churn out three more hits from Invasion of Privacy is still remarkable. I already discussed “Be Careful” at length, and “Bartier Cardi” was fine enough for what it was, but it was “I Like It” that landed her a second number one hit, and possibly the most important song of her career.

For starters, it’s worth noting that “I Like It” does something successfully that far too many hit songs don’t: it uses a sample of a well-known song to a benefit rather than a detriment. The song samples “I Like It Like That,” a 1967 track by boogaloo legend Pete Rodriguez that’s become a staple of Latin music in its half-century of existence. The resulting track is a mix of traditional Latin music instrumentation with a shuffling trap beat that’s just as lively as the music it’s referencing. In a year where reggaetón had a much greater mainstream presence than usual, it’s surprising that none of the songs that landed on the charts sounded quite as good as this.

While the production is certainly some of the best I’ve heard all year, you'd first go to Cardi B for her verses and her personality, which “I Like It” delivers in spades. The beat serves as the perfect backdrop for Cardi’s verse, where she brags about her taste for luxury goods, all the while referencing her enjoyment of things like NYC street food. It adds dimensionality to her well-documented rags-to-riches narrative, highlighting her Bronx roots while also celebrating her current success. A pair of excellent guest verses by reggaetón stars Bad Bunny and J Balvin show that she clearly plans to use her success for good, giving a greater platform to other Latinx artists.

It may not have been the near-record breaker that “Despacito” was in 2017, but the fact that “I Like It” was a smash hit further cements Latin music’s place in the American pop landscape. Make no mistake, considering how hostile the current administration and its supporters have been to Latin American immigrants, this is incredibly significant. Obviously, Cardi B is a more conventional rapper rather than a reggaetón artist, but she’s still a woman of Dominican heritage who’s using her music to show solidarity with her community, and if there’s any justice in this world, it could suggest a true cultural change in the near future.

But before I unveil my choice for the Best Hit Song of 2018, here are my Honorable Mentions:

“All the Stars” by Kendrick Lamar feat. SZA, “Pray for Me” by The Weeknd feat. Kendrick Lamar: Befitting of the Black Panther film, Kendrick delivers sharp verses about responsibility and fame, SZA and The Weeknd deliver fantastic vocals as usual, and the production combines cinematic swells with glitchy electronics. The only thing keeping these songs from the list proper is that the artists’ personalities feel slightly compromised.

“Boo’d Up” by Ella Mai: Since dominating the charts in 2014, DJ Mustard has been experimenting with his 808-driven sound. Here, he crafts a gloriously retro R&B track with London singer Ella Mai, creating a joyful, lovesick track that could be best described as “Boom Clap” for 2018.

“Sky Walker” by Miguel feat. Travis Scott: It’s been way too long since I’ve been able to talk about Miguel on this list. The 2017 album War & Leisure saw the R&B virtuoso coasting by on effortless vocals and charisma, but the blissed-out vibe of “Sky Walker” proves that’s still a lot of fun in its own right. Travis does his thing pretty well, too.

“Finesse” by Bruno Mars feat. Cardi B: I was wondering when someone would revive the new jack swing sound of the early 90s, and leave it to none other than Bruno Mars to be up for the challenge. It’s no surprise that he sounds as great as always here, but what does surprise me is how perfectly Cardi B’s flow fits.

“MotorSport” by Migos, Cardi B & Nicki Minaj: I can’t be the only one who thinks this song is pretty awkward to listen to now, considering the split between Cardi and Offset, as well as Cardi and Nicki’s feud that erupted later in the year. Still, everyone but Quavo puts forth a great performance, and Murda Beatz crafts one of this year’s most hypnotic bangers.

“In My Blood” by Shawn Mendes: Look, credit where it’s due, Mendes wrote a really good song about his struggles with anxiety, and he finally has organic-sounding production that compliments the song’s structure really well. I’m still not completely sold on him as a singer yet, but he puts forth enough effort for me to like “In My Blood” quite a bit.

“This Is America” by Childish Gambino: If I were including music videos in my placement of the songs on this list, this could have contended for the top spot. The song itself, while admirably direct in its lyricism and its freewheeling instrumental, works better as an accompaniment to the stunningly layered visuals that Glover assembled to put forth his commentary about race relations and gun control.

“LOVE.” by Kendrick Lamar feat. Zacari: Well over a year after its release, Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN. is still a phenomenal album. “LOVE.” still stands as a highlight from the album, boasting melodic flows, serene production, gorgeous vocals from Zacari, and one of Kendrick’s most poignant hooks to date. It may be the most pop-oriented track Kendrick’s put on an album to date, but at least he sounds like he’s actually putting in an actual effort.

And now, here's my pick for the Best Hit Song of 2018:

1. "No Tears Left to Cry" by Ariana Grande

In my 2017 lists, I made a recurring observation that popular music doesn’t exist without context. That mentality definitely crossed over into my previous list, where I didn’t choose the worst four on the list just because they were made by abusive people, but because most of them actively reminded me of their heinous acts. Of course, that also means that great art can be made in the wake of significant life events. It’s partially for this reason that Kesha’s triumphant comeback “Praying” topped this list last time, and in 2018, Ariana Grande made an equally powerful return with “No Tears Left to Cry.”

I don’t need to explain the circumstances that led up to this point, but since the release of “No Tears Left to Cry,” Ariana has made one thing abundantly clear: she wants to use her music to spread positivity into the world. The song starts off with soft, humming synths and Ariana’s heavenly voice, boldly stating that she’s ready to move on from her past trauma. As she repeats “I’m pickin’ it up,” the tempo follows suit, percussion begins to swell, and the song becomes a shot of pure UK garage-influenced joy.

The verses feature these stabs of synths, a persistent, dusty groove, and gentle strings that have all coalesce into a somewhat tense arrangement. During the first verse, Ariana opts for a more hushed delivery, somehow suggesting that it’s difficult to try and put forth that positive energy when everything around you is so overwhelming. And yet, she puts forth a real effort, climbing up in her vocal register. Now, the chorus introduced earlier hits even harder with the help of the quicker tempo and the fuller backing. “I just want you to come with me, we on another mentality,” she sings, implying that it could be just as easy for you to adopt the same mindset and charge forth in life.

Since its release, Ariana’s put out plenty of singles with a similar message. “The Light Is Coming,” “Breathin” and especially “Thank U Next.” Had it performed well enough, “Breathin” could have easily taken this spot for its massive buildup and its lyrics about coping with anxiety. But where that song may speak to the personal struggles with anxiety I’ve had in the last few years, I believe “No Tears Left to Cry” represents something broader, a new way forward of sorts. With so much lifeless, depressing music by repulsive human beings clogging the upper echelons of the charts, somebody needed to create something to challenge it. "I just want you to come with me," indeed.

Thanks for reading!

[dippedanddripped]

Throughout their active career, the Beastie Boyshave had a unique relationship with skateboarding. Despite none of them being particularly accomplished on a sponsorship level, they maintained an authentic connection to skate culture for so long that it’s hard to imagine the two not being linked. However, when their debut album Licensed to Ill was released in 1986, the synergy between skateboarding and mainstream music was tenuous at best. The idea that three Jewish rappers from New York City – a decade-plus before the entire East Coast had a thriving skate industry – known for boisterous hip-hop rock party anthems connected with the then-subculture of skateboarding was foreign, to say the least. Contextually, there were no bands charting who had any real roots in skating, and if they did, it wasn’t touted as a marketing tool. In fact, there were only a handful of pro skaters from the East Coast, let alone any who were Jewish.

Skateboarding in the mid ’80s was California; hip-hop was still finding its legs and identity in culture and the actual music industry, and the only true “skate” music being pushed was skate rock via Thrasher Magazine’s editorial and compilation albums. During this time, skateboarding still had a very Anglo-punk stigma to most, which was completely inaccurate considering how many Latino and Asian pioneers there were in the sport, and hip-hop represented urban street culture. The two seemed worlds apart. But for Adam Yauch, Mike Diamond, and Adam Horovitz, whose musical journey began in punk rock clubs and dance venues around Manhattan, cultural lines were bridged by subway stops and the explorative innocence of youth. There were no better ambassadors than a bunch of wise-asses steeped in crate digging, graffiti, DIY, and utilitarian fashion to champion skateboarding. Contrasted against INXS putting skate photography on the cover of Kick a year later, the Beastie Boys posing in photos with skateboards just seemed like how they got to the shoot rather than a prop – and it probably was.

Unlike most music autobiographies, the new Beastie Boys Book traverses more than a band’s story arc within music. While the 590 pages do detail several industry clichés – including cowboy booted A&R guys and tense relationships with major labels – the monograph is a written and visual journey of style, trend, music, fashion, culture, art, slang, and, most importantly, friendship. While the book has many characters and B-stories, the main figures are the three members of the band and the locales of New York City and Los Angeles. Written by surviving members Michael Diamond and Adam Horovitz, Beastie Boys Book is also a love letter to Adam Yauch who, despite being just a year-ish older than Diamond and Horovitz, comes off as a mentor and almost stabilizing figure of the iconic band.

Unlike Diamond and Horovitz, Yauch is depicted as a the least celebrity-yearning of the Boys, never fully assimilating to fame as evidenced by his spiritual journey and immersion into Tibetan Buddhism. As the group’s constant, the images of Yauch throughout the book, save several where he’s wearing costume, are the most stylistically consistent. While his facial hair combos often fluctuate, MCA mostly looked what we identify now as a “typical skateboarder,” which is fairly accurate since he was, but there’s more significance than him being able to pump on a halfpipe. Yauch’s and his bandmates’ affinity for skateboarding not only set off a grip of style trends and influenced soundtracks and even brands (via their friendship with Spike Jonze), but it can be argued that it grounded and revitalized their careers.

The genesis of this relationship began with their 1989 sophomore effort Paul’s Boutique. Though it is now heralded as a masterpiece, it was initially a commercial disappointment and consequently thrust the band, most of whom had relocated to Los Angeles, out of the spotlight. Prior to their second album the Beastie Boys were superstars, but they not only lost their glow but, even worse, appeared kitschy to their mass audience as the funked out dance track “Hey Ladies” was their only single to chart. For many, the last images they had of the band were them dressed up in garish 1970s gear, emulating both Saturday Night Live more than rising rap crew.

Several other visuals were crafted in support of the record, but it was “Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun” that proved predictive and revelatory. Directed by Yauch himself, it’s a lo-fi pastiche that mixes candid footage with clips from action sports videos, and it even shows Yauch skating on the streets of Los Angeles. In between the surf, skate, and snowboarding tricks are footage of the band recording the track, driving around stoned wearing costumes, a confused kitten, and generally staying loose without the frat bro layer. In a sense, the song and video are the secret sauce that created the loose, free blueprint that allowed their subsequent effort, Check Your Head, to hit so hard.

When the project’s lead single “Pass the Mic” was released in 1992, it was a lowkey announcement that Beastie Boys were back for the first time. They hadn’t lost the irreverence of their early “Cookie Puss”-era, there was a nod to their punk past with a Bad Brains sample and production that was both sparse and dense at the same time, as well as wealth of skate clips/B-roll in between the vocal deliveries for the video, including footage shot at the ramp they erected at their G Son studio while recording the album. During the tail end of the track they even announce that they’re going to “rock this joint in an old school way,” which was more than a stylistic declaration but the announcement of a cultural zeitgeist.

Though the group was simply wearing the clothes they had always worn, albeit without the B-Boy bravado and accoutrement, what happened in that seven-ish year stretch was that 1980s clothing had become vintage. So rather than looking slightly out of date, they stepped it up by pairing newly vintage parkas, denim, and trainers with newer yet classic workwear, specifically Carhartt and West Coast-centric Ben Davis, as well as peppering in sunglasses, beanies, and even simple Champion hoodies (which had yet to become a thing). The Beastie Boys were not only fresh, but coyly self-referential. It might be an oversell to say it was the birth of modern retro-vintage, but then again, maybe not. In fact, the only thing that really wasn’t emulated to a degree in the wake of Check Your Head was MCA’s oversized snowboarding boots, so expect those to pop off in 2020.

With imagery shot by iconic music and skate photographer Glen E. Friedman and typography designed by Eric Haze, the cover of Check Your Head was also a visual mash up that spoke not only to the band themselves but what was happening in culture – hip-hop had become a part of mainstream America as well as the soundtrack of street skating, which was the industry defining voice at the time. Haze had also designed a promotional skateboard for Vision for the band that never made it past the prototype stage back in the Licensed to Ill days, which has since become a collectors grail. Check Your Head’s cover – a subtle take on Minor Threat’s final 7” Salad Days, also shot by Friedman – and music not only became one of the most important examples of punk, funk, hip-hop, rock, and psych music blending together into a new form, but even the clothes the band is wearing on the cover spoke to the audience. Remember, this is 1992, in the thick of an era where hair metal clichés and the B-Boy looks of the 1980s were being phased out. Grunge was starting to boom, rock stars dressing like their audience was a new thing, and even though gold ropes and chains were still in the mix, rappers in 1992 were far from dressing in the club looks of their forefathers. Here were the Beasties; wearing beanies, Ben Davis, and deadstock sneakers, well before brands knew what models to retro, let alone retro anything at all.

After a string of successful singles, the Beastie Boys made a meaningful connection while working on a promo video for “Time For Livin’.” Even though the under two-minute hardcore punk track wasn’t a proper single, it was edited and featured “out of focus” live footage shot by a young skate photographer, videographer, and writer “put on by Yauch,” named Spike Jonze, who they had previously met in 1991 while he worked at the short lived magazine Dirt. Jonze fused the black-and-white and color performance footage with raw skate footage taken from Plan B’s “Questionable” video. Heralded as a superteam, Questionable was the most innovative skate video released at the time and featured three Beasties tracks during pro Mike Carroll’s part.

“I got an advanced copy of the album from Lance Dawes at Slap Magazine,” Carroll told Highsnobiety when we discussed the video. “When it came time for the video we used the music from that advanced copy – I didn’t think anything of it, because the album wasn’t even out yet. So yeah, we didn’t get the rights and the album didn’t even come out for two weeks after Questionable. It’s pretty fucked up. [laughs] We were recently on a Lakai trip in Japan and Tony Hawk actually asked us if we got permission to use those Beasties tracks. Years ago he was snowboarding with MCA and Tony asked him if Plan B had gotten permission. MCA told him we didn’t but said it didn’t matter because he thought the video was ‘sick,’ well… he used some other words, but getting that sign off was all that mattered.”

Hailing from the Bay Area, Carroll (who would win Thrasher’s coveted Skater of the Year award two years after the video) was one of the leaders of San Francisco’s E.M.B. crew that was setting all the technical and style trends in skating in the early ’90s. Even though he was sponsored by Vans at the time, Carroll specifically had a penchant for deadstock Puma and adidas, as well as Ben Davis and beanies, making him almost appear as if he was somehow an associate with the group.

“I’ve always tried to figure out how it all started [the retro craze],” Carroll says. “It was going on before Check Your Head but that album – the cover, the videos, especially ‘So What’cha Want,’ that whole style is where it started for me, really set it off. Stop dressing like a goofy boy and get back to normal. When I first started skating I had Puma Clydes, then I saw Cab [Steve Caballero] wearing them, then a few years later this was happening. I got a pair again at a place in SF called Famous Footwear, but when we traveled to England on a Plan B tour I must have bought 10 pairs of shoes because we couldn’t get those old shoes in the US. There was a store in SF called Kaplan’s that would sometimes have Campuses or Shelltoes, but I don’t think I ever even got any there. Later on Nick Tershay [Diamond Supply Co.] met Paul Shier [Pro skater and current team manager for adidas Skateboarding] and he’d start sending shoes to him, and for me too.”

Oddly enough, Girl Skateboards, the brand Carroll formed with Jonze, Rick Howard, and Megan Baltimore in 1993, would not only release Beastie Boys decks (including a recent capsule collection), but released a video directed by Jonze in 1994 titled “Goldfish,” which featured skits that mirror and the famous “Sabotage” video Jonze had directed just a few weeks before. Much like their video for “Hey Ladies,” Jonze channeled the specific, genre satire that was central and symbolic of the group, but with much more success, nailing the references and tone perfectly. To add another layer, in 1993 Jonze was at a party with the Beastie Boys when Howard mentioned his idea to start what would later become Girl to Jonze. As he told the Nine Club, Jonze – knowing that Mike D was an investor in the original XLarge store and brand – wrangled everyone together and convinced them to distribute the conceptual brand via XLarge.

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Back to the Ben Davis for a minute. In the Beastie Boys Book, Diamond elaborates on his role as an investor in the original XLarge store in Los Angeles. He mentions the having the idea of a brick-and-mortar store that would not only carry difficult to seek out workwear but also deadstock sneakers, crediting founders Eli Bonerz and Adam Silverman with actualizing it. Originally opened in Los Feliz, on Vermont Street, Los Angeles in 1991, the store instantly clicked with skaters, hip-hop, and graffiti heads alike, even employing several skaters such as former Menace pro Billy Valdez. Not only did it start to become an underground culture enclave, but it was the go-to spot for out of town heads to cop gear. As pro skaters and musicians traveled back East or to wherever they called home, they were returning with clothes and sneakers that weren’t on the average racks, as well as X-Large gear that was initially only available at the store.

In 2012, Girl and sister brand Chocolate released Pretty Sweet, a full-length video directed by Jonze and Ty Evans which featured Carroll, Alex Olson, Rick McCrank, and Brian Anderson, skating (fittingly) to “Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun.” Both Olson and Anderson have recently become fashion icons themselves. The video’s New York premiere was attended by Diamond, Leo Fitzpatrick, Michael Rapport and Kanye West who reportedly commented after the viewing that, “That shit was stylistically dope.”

Looking back specifically to the era of Check Your Head and its documentation in the Beastie Boys Book, the transformation of both the band and youth culture as a whole is striking and surprisingly understated in other monographs and media. If you experienced it, the impact was massive; so obvious that it’s just part of your DNA. At a time when a live performance was a more momentous experience, when photographs and media of artists was still rather sparse, seeing the Beastie Boys on MTV Sports skating the G Son ramp or watching them discuss vintage clothing and their perspective on fashion during a House of Style segment was a validation of underground movements from the people invested in it. While they may not be the “definitive” skate band, the Beastie Boys, through their videos, Grand Royal magazine, as well as diverse opening act choices, acted as gatekeepers – the older guys who made you the perfect mixtape and hipped you to other worlds. Whether it was skateboarding, soul, funk, rap, punk, graffiti, or fashion, they offered the perfect mix to a global audience, feeding a creative boom that pushed the ethos and aesthetics of streetwear, skateboarding, and music forward for generations.

[lyricsbylincoln]

-̗̀ —   “ i come bearing edible encouragement. ”  lincoln moves to set the cooke tray onto the countertop, but he can so much as blink, whole thing clatters to the ground. a musical laugh bubbles past upturned lips. “ crap. clearly, i am incapable of being slick. so now we’ll just have to make due with encouragement of the verbal variety, huh? ”

or alternatively :  whaddup, my dudes !!  it is linc comin’ atchu with my songwriter beb #2, LINCOLN MONROE .  you know what to do! don’t forget to like, subscribe, and leave a comment below !

(KEIYNAN LONSDALE, CISMALE, HE/HIM) i hear LINCOLN MONROE has a link to ALL OF THE BANDS. the TWENTY-FOUR year old is a SONGWRITER, apparently. he's so PACIFIC and CHATOYANT, but can also be kind of TRACTABLE and INGENUOUS. i hope he finds success with the band. i'm kinda interested in hearing more about them. 

gonna format this v simply in bullets this time, since i have to leave for work relatively soon & i wanna get it out here!

lincoln grew up in upstate new york after being adopted by kirsten & peter monroe when he was just an infant. they provided a very stable, lovely home. like?? his mother was the unofficial Neighborhood Mom. all the kids were always at the monroe household, sippin’ kool aids, snackin’ on homemade cookies. kirsten monroe is literally the ultimate affectionate, beautiful soul. in fact, when lincoln was 4, she convinced her husband to adopt lincoln’s adopted sister after her family was killed in a housefire three towns over. she’s about six months older than him, and honestly would be a lovely addition to the rp if y’all wanted to bring her in? essentially after the monroes adopted her, she and lincoln grew positively inseparable. 

lincoln expressed an interest in dance by the time he turned 5, so his parents eagerly enrolled him in dance lessons! pretty soon he hopped studios to a competitive school and began competing in contemporary/ballet dance competitions.

then came a full-ride scholarship to a performing arts high school in new york city. his parents weren’t going to say no  ( the monroe’s are characteristic people-pleasers )  so they made the three-hour drive to the city & dropped lincoln off for his first year. many tears were shed, hugs were exchanged, and his mother made lincoln promise not to forget about them back home. he’d skype them every freakin’ night.

at this school, lincoln became captain of the contemporary / hip hop dance team. they took national and international titles like they were kids in a candy store. this squad was insane. and with lincoln’s choreo, the awards just kept on coming. after he graduated, lincoln auditioned for the traveling cast of the wiz and snagged an ensemble role. he traveled with the cast for seven months until he decided it was time to put down some roots on the west coast.

at this point, all was well at home. he continued his daily contact with his family, and the monroe group chat was always booming. so lincoln didn’t think to suspect anything was going on at home beyond the usual. his mother spoke about neighborhood baking parties; his father spoke about the work he was doing at the state house as attorney general. all was well.

( tw: illness, hospitals, terminal diagnoses )  the phone call came on the eve before his 21st birthday, after the opening night performance of rent at los angeles theater. kirsten was in the hospital. she’d collapsed while helping to set up for the local church’s benefit concert. his father wouldn’t disclose much information beyond that lincoln should not fly home. against his better judgment, lincoln finished out the two-week run of rent before booking a ticket back to new york. he expected his mother to be out of the hospital by that time, and she’d indicated as much over the phone.

when lincoln’s plane touched down, no one was there to pick him up. kirsten was back in the er -- but lincoln only found that out by pressuring his sister until she caved and told him what was really going on:  three months ago, kirsten had been diagnosed with stage 3 leukemia. and no one in the family had thought to give lincoln a proper notice. 

kirsten was in and out of treatment for several years, reaching short periods of remission before her levels went awry again. lincoln visited home when he could, but once he began booking more consistent jobs, the cross-country flights became more difficult. he still talks on the phone to his mother each and every day, and will absolutely cancel plans to check in on her if need be.

i imagine he started songwriting as side thing, something to post online for fun back in college while he was studying composition? and his youtube channel probably gained lots of steam. following one of his larger runs in the la theatre scene, he was probably approached about entering a professional contract for a song for one of the groups. and he was probably elated about the prospect. 

since then, he’s been contracted for all of the groups, with pieces ranging from pandemonium’s chaotic rock to dream tsunami’s sunny electro-pop vibe. lincoln plays a grand total of twelve instruments & he’s always generating new material.

in addition to songwriting for these groups, he’s also an up-and-coming solo artist himself!! he performs at open mics, local coffee shops, etc. while also uploading things to youtube/soundcloud and performing in la-based theatre productions!

lincoln is ebullient -- his presence practically effervesces wherever he is. he’s always ready to shine, as cliché as that might be. he’s just got this heart full of love and joy and optimism and he’s eager to share.

currently has bleach-blonde hair, because it’s super cool. 

so speaking of that popular youtube channel! there, he’ll post choreographed routines to his favorite songs, little covers, original pieces, and vlogs with the bands he works with. fans probably eat it up and constantly ask for more.

his dancing. gah.  this boy just loses himself in it. catch him at a bjéar concert all-out contemporary/interpretive dancing in the crowd. frick, music just.... consumes him.

his favorite color is green!! why?? does he need to have a reason???

he takes his coffee with whipped coconut cream on top, garnished with a dash of nutmeg & cinnamon. he always gets lil whipped cream mustaches, and he’ll apologize every time.

apologizes a shit ton. will apologize for apologizing, and then apologize for doing so. it’s a spiral. someone stop him.

he’s all easy smiles & spring breezes, the cleared air after rain. it’s very difficult to get him angry, and some people ( cough nikolai cough ) find that absolutely infuriating.

cannot hide when he falls in love.

falls in love once every 30 seconds.

absolutely goes to florist shops to check in on the owners, ask about their favorite memories, and smell the roses. maybe he accidentally nose boops the flowers sometimes. it’s okay. it’s all part of the experience.

allergic to shellfish & negative vibes !!!

speaks fluent french. bonjour, my dudes

blushes v easily !!  will duck his head and smile so wide. compliment him & watch the magic

lowkey voiced prince naveen in the princess and the frog ... ribbit

some examples of original work he’s performed in the area / uploaded online:    x    x    x    x     x       

lincoln is that friend who’ll show up for you, even at 4am, with takeout and a shoulder to lean on. going through a bad time? he’s the one you should call.

lowkey fashion icon ???  let him take you thrifting.

if you get sound bite previews, you’re one of The Trusted Few.

at berklee, he was lauded by his professors and fellow students -- there’s a reason this guy can write so diversely. he’s virtuosic. he’s not afraid to make major leaps. catch him tossing unconventional chords into conventional genres, because the music industry needs a spark and he feels honored to be able to contribute.

you know how some people give birthday letters or cards? lincoln writes original birthday songs. every year. yep.

volunteers at a local dog shelter.

i would love a roomie for him? pls?

i seriously want all the connections so pls hmu on discord or here!! ily all sorry this is such trash on a stick

[airadam]

Episode 136 : Protection

"I'm a walking heart attack, looking for somebody to happen..."

- Boogieman

Still shut up in the house for the most part, which at least gives me a chance to really dig through my crates, vinyl and otherwise! This month's selection has some great recent records, some older underground favourites, and a mix segment I've been wanting to do for ages - figured this episode was as good a time as any!

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Mac Ayres : Shadows

If nothing else, this enforced time spent in the house has yielded some great musical discoveries. I heard this cut on a DJ Jazzy Jeff Twitch session, and bought it immediately as soon as I found out what it was! Mac Ayers is a singer/songwriter/instrumentalist from Long Island, and if he's already turning out material like this in his early 20s, I can only imagine what it'll be with more experience. This is a highlight on last year's "Juicebox" album, and one that those who enjoy the modern soul sound will almost certainly enjoy!

[DJ Premier] Prhyme : My Calling (Instrumental)

This beat from "Prhyme 2" is so, so good. DJ Premier continues to turn out fresh creations over thirty years since his debut, with more different styles than he's often given credit for. The pianos sound like falling rain, the low end is the solid ground, and everything else fits perfectly around them.

Ski Beatz & Stalley : Gentlemen's Quarterly

Smooth from the lyrics to Ski Beatz' sophisticated production, this is a cut I'd managed to forget about until I rediscovered it in my collection recently. Find it on the "Ski Beatz 24 Hour Karate School Presents Twilight" (snappy!) LP, if you can find a reasonably-priced copy!

LL Cool J ft. Keith Murray, Prodigy, Fat Joe, and Foxy Brown : I Shot Ya (Remix)

A classic from the mid-90s. LL brought in some of the hottest MCs of the time alongside a young Foxy Brown making her on-record debut for a Trackmasters-produced street banger. The "Mr. Smith" album is the source for this often-sampled gem.

O.C. & Organized Konfusion : You Won't Go Far

Unapologetic boom-bap from this all-NYC combination, taken from the second volume of the "New Jersey Drive" soundtrack. Of all the tracks on that release, it's the one that hews closest to the plot of the film itself, which itself makes it a standout in the world of 90s Hip-Hop/R&B soundtracks! OK self-produced this one, and rather than give each MC a verse each, they split each verse between the three of them for more of a tag-team feel.

Rise : Make Sure That We Win

Note: I got this wrong on the voiceover - this is a Beatminerz beat, not DJ Spinna. Spinna produced the excellent "Part of the Game" on the same EP.

Rise is an MC out of Brooklyn and the Demigodz crew, who has a knack for punchlines and quotables within a laid back style - he just seems puzzled by wack MCs most of the time! The Beatminerz provide the beat with the fuzzbox guitars moving all over the soundscape and the classic boom-bap drum style and some sub bass to give it the heft. DJ Evil Dee of Da Beatminerz rounds things out with his cuts for the hook. Grab this and a couple of other great tracks on the 2003 "The Intro..." EP.

Pete Rock : Air Smoove

"Petestrumentals 2" may not become the low-key icon that the first instalment did, but don't sleep on it - it's still Pete Rock on the beats, after all.  I keep going back to it and finding myself enjoying tracks more and more, with this being a prime example.

Above The Law ft. 2Pac and Money B : Call It What U Want

I once nearly got into a fight (the other guy was heated) when I off-handedly mentioned that I remembered when 2Pac had been a dancer for Digital Underground - but it was true, and there was never any shame in it! Anyway, it was also with that crew that he made initial strides onto the mic, and after going solo himself, this was one of his first features, alongside Money B from DU. Above The Law's "Black Mafia Life", from which this is taken, is one of the most overlooked albums that could claim the accolade of "classic" when you listen to how it sounded and how early it was made - I strongly recommend that every listener seeks it out for an end-to-end hearing. It's striking to realise that of the four MCs on this cut, only two are still with us today - RIP 2Pac and KMG.

DJ Quik ft. Pharoahe Monch & K.K. : Murda 1 Case

An absolute stomper from Compton's finest, leading with the piano, keeping the drums hard but simple (kicks on 1 and 3 only, snares on 2 and 4), and three MCs going at it. On this clear standout on 2002's "Under Tha Influence", the underrated Quik holds his own against one of the best to pick up a mic, and shows the confidence and intelligence as a producer to know that this was the man to bring in for the closing verse.

De La Soul : Verbal Clap

Many years after their debut, De La remind you that they can get busy on a state-of-the-art thumping beat with no problem - in this case, a masterful creation by J Dilla, one of two on 2004's "The Grind Date". Dave's rhyme style here is extra raw and he dominates by sheer brute force, standing out even on an album where De La sound highly-motivated overall. If you don't yet know it, it's well worth your while to search it out and have a proper listen.

Mr. Scruff ft. Broke 'n' English : Listen Up

Manchester all the way on this track, with the DJ and producer Mr Scruff getting the drumline mad active with a nice bassline, and Strategy and DRS of Broke 'n' English bringing all the local flavour on the mic. This great cut is on the flip of the also-excellent "Nice Up The Function" 12", which is now available digitally - so no difficulty in finding a copy!

[The Neptunes] Busta Rhymes : Pass The Courvoisier, Part II (Instrumental)

A great party beat, one to get people moving even without Busta and Pharrell's vocals!

AZ : Take Care Of Me

From his very first LP, AZ was flowing over soul/R&B samples, so it wasn't a reach for him to make a track like this for "Aziatic", his fourth. Precision soundtracks it with a "no samples" approach which for the non-Bad Boy producers tended to be the move for the club/radio tracks, and it's aged fairly well. AZ's lyrics are definitely reflective of the time - cellphones are so unremarkable in 2020!

Krumb Snatcha ft. Boogieman : Oxygen

Krumb Snatcha is pretty much as rugged as it gets, but here he shows that while he can give you an underground street classic like "Closer To God", there's still time to have fun! This track from his second LP "Respect All, Fear None" isn't what you might expect from KS but I think he did a solid job here. Nottz' beat bumps and burbles with a solid low end, and the guest MC Boogieman, who's already collaborated with him previously, steals the show with a casually disrespectful closing verse - not a particularly technical one, but entertaining!

Mic Geronimo : Nothin' Move But The Money

This record was hated when it came out, of all the tracks in this section, it was the most blatant pander to the pop audience - after all, Puffy (now Diddy) was the producer! This was amplified by the fact that Queens' own Mic Geronimo was a darling of the underground scene after his excellent debut LP "The Natural", and this is a million miles away stylistically. "Vendetta" was a big change, and arguably a bit of a career killer because of it. Have a look at the video - every so often, Mic actually looks pretty uncomfortable! 

Goodie Mob ft. Big Boi and Backbone : Get Rich To This

This was the next most derided track when it was released - if someone else had recorded it, it may have been received for what it was, but again, this was a serious sonic whiplash for anyone who had heard "Soul Food" or "Still Standing". It was still Organized Noize on production, still the same MCs (plus guests), but definitely not what people were expecting, by and large. I can't front though - I kind of liked it even then! The "World Party" LP is the source for this one.

[Kenny Dope] L Swift : Ride This (Instrumental)

Crispy clean drums and a nice guitar line are the highlights of this beat from a 2000 12" by one of the MCs from the incredible Natural Elements (now reformed, with L Swift as Swigga). The vocal version features A Butta from NE and the B-side is produced by Spinna, so well worth picking up if you see it!

Toots & The Maytals : Funky Kingston

We close the episode with the title track of the 1973 album by the reggae legend "Toots" Hibbert, who passed away this month at the age of 77, and his band. The throatiness of his delivery on this classic cut does bring to mind the American funk godfather James Brown, but the message and the groove is pure yard. It may be almost fifty years old now, but still moves a dancefloor with ease!

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[theparaminds]

Gump (plural gumps)

1.     a dunce, a foolish person or nitwit

 The word ‘Gump’ is not one associated with intelligence, creativity or courage, instead being closely linked with those dealt the outcast card, the apathetic and that of the comedic. But in curious cases the odd Gump or two escape the pile and are able to shed the skin they had been dressed in by society. It is never straightforward, nor will it ever cease to be, to become oneself after becoming a Gump. Though, for one boy, aptly titled Gumpboy, the transition is occurring now as he begins to prepare for an ever-changing persona online and in real life. Zion Worthy, also known by his online persona as Gumpboy, is a Kitchener, Ontario native, finally beginning his turn towards focus and responsibility in his music. Zion gained a hefty following online not through his music but by the Gump persona, where comedy and memes based on pop culture elevated the high school student into a realm of online comedians and parody. But high school has ended, and an internal fire to peruse music has consumed what the Gumpboy has wanted to do, vying to become Zion again. Equip with a true musical talent, a movement of his own (The Fiji Gang) and a following yearning for new music; it is Zion’s time to take over himself.

Paramind spoke to Zion in what is his first interview, hoping to get an insight into a Gump becoming himself:

  Paramind: So first question, how’s your day going?

Zion: Day’s going solid, haven’t done much it’s a little early. Made a beat but that’s about it.

PM: That’s solid, early grinding is always good. So on the topic of Gumpboy; where did that persona come from? Where did the idea come from?

Z: I’m going to be completely honest I don’t know where the Gumpboy idea comes from. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the movie Forest Gump, but I’ve never seen it. I think it was some inside joke from when I used to go on Skype with my boys who used to make montage parodies. I’ve been trying to shake the name ever since, but like its too iconic.

PM: So has that persona helped or hindered your music career? And why not just release under Gumpboy if it has the following. 

Z: Well I feel that Zion and Gumpboy are two different entities, and like in my music and this upcoming album I want to show the two different sides of myself with these two characters. Gumpboy makes beats and Zion raps, but at the same time sometimes Gumpboy gets on the mic and it’ll be a song about fucking bitches but then I could have another song where I talk about more personal shit.

PM: Who is the Gumpboy then? What has he been doing lately and why do you want to shake him off?

Z: Well like I just want to shake him off because the name sounds kinda weird, they hear Gumpboy and they’re like ehhh…

PM: Yeah, it sounds humorous.

Z: Yeah, for a rapper Gumpboy does not work, for a producer it does work. I still want to market myself as Zion. So if I do my own song it’ll be ‘Zion [Prod. Gumpboy]’

PM: True, in that sense you can incorporate both personas. So moving from Gumpboy… Who is Zion? Why is he different than the Gumpboy?

Z: Gumpboy is jokes, but I feel if people want to know Zion they either have to know me and look deeper in my music, and one of my biggest struggles is writing music that shows who I am. Like I’m really good at writing jokes and braindead bangers and ignorant fucking songs that guys will drive fast to at 3am. But like introspective, its hard for me to do that and make it entertaining. Like why would people fuck with my story? I’m just some kid from the suburbs who makes beats. What can I do to make people fuck with me?

PM: So you want to get to a point where people listen to your music critically and not just for a turn up sense?

Z: Yeah, like Injury Reserve for example, they’ll have bump songs such as the new one ‘See you Sweat’, but yeah like it sounds kind of like old-school Neptune vibes.

PM: Well like Boom (x3) was crazy hard

Z: That song was hard, I love it, did you hear the new EP?

PM: Yeah it was great.

Z: Parker Corey is always blowing me away man; he’s always doing crazy shit

PM: I hear a lot of IR in your music, is that your biggest influence?

Z: Yeah they’re one of my bigger ones. I remember this one quote from an interview where they said: “it’s easy to make old music, and it’s easy to make new sounds, but sounds that are new and accessible? That’s the challenge” that influenced me quite a lot. 

PM: Any other big influences on top of IR?

Z: Flying Lotus and Captain Murphy, ‘Duality’ is one of my favourite albums ever.  

PM: So in terms of music do you find that melody and sound is more important or is it more lyricism that matters?

Z: It’s all about how sound hits the ear; you do want a good mix because you want something people have to return to, which a lot of popular artists don’t have right now. Like when I first heard ‘Goblin’ by Tyler, the Creator I thought it was trash but now I go back and find so many little things that improve it on every listen. Music needs character; like in ‘See you sweat’ I couldn’t get over that one drop that went:

[Zion then proceeded to make a pop sound with his mouth]

That’s character! That catches people’s ear!

PM: [Laughs] So switching gears from production, tell me about your aesthetic and group ‘The Fiji Mob’. Who are they and why Fiji water?

Z: Well Fiji water is important because you need the highest water quality available; Fiji is the best water out there, Fiji and Evian. No Nestle. Fiji mob though is just me seeing that Kitchener has no one taking it over and I just wanted to get a bunch of the best artists together and just work and collaborate to really make a movement in a city. I had such a lacking output lately because I was trying to do literally everything but with a group I can see myself releasing tons more. The more I do everything, the less gets finished.

PM: On the topic of dropping music do you have anything on the way?

Z: Yes! Fiji Mob tape coming soon, and also I have a solo tape coming early next year, Bangers and videos soon. I’m going to be doing rapping and beats and I’m going to really expand my sound. It’s going to be a fucking trunkknocker.

PM: [Laughs] I’ve never heard that term, its gold. Anyways so musically, what do you think is going to take you and Gumpboy far, what is it that you’ve got?

Z: Well what I believe is that there’s no scene where I live and its up to me to create it and that once I do something with grow, it’s all about making good music and people will fuck with it.

PM: What steps do you need to take in your personal life, musically and how you express yourself online to be truly taken seriously?

Z: I need to drop more music regularly, and more music that is my personal beliefs, people know Gumpboy but now its time for Zion to come through. Like I had this idea for the new album where it’s in the future and I explore whether our social issues today are still existent in the world tomorrow. I want to touch on how blacks are treated and the wage gap that type of shit.

I just want to make good sounds man, good sounds.

PM: For sure man, thanks for sitting with us today, this whole transition is going to be really interesting to follow.

Z: Thanks for having me; I’m excited for everything in the future too… 

A big thank you to Zion for his time and music. His story emphasizes a moment is many artist’s lives that is the most difficult, Growth. For one to grow they must change, and to change one must improve. Improvement will come in many forms for any one individual, whether that is just sleeping on the other side of the bed, or finally break the Gump chain.

Paramind is all about the local artist and those just working to find who they really are.

 You can follow Zion at:

 Twitter: @Gumpboyy

Instagram: @Zion_Gump

Soundcloud: Gumpboy

All photos taken by Jackson Picccinetti